The episode opens with Carrie continuing her affair with Big in various hotels, including a seedy one on 56th & 8th. Also, when Big is ready to DO IT the second she walks in one of the doors and she tells him she needs to put in her diaphragm, his response is that he has to be at work in 40 minutes. I have questions. Namely, 1) why didn’t she put it in ahead of time and 2) how long does Big think it will take her?
Carrie’s guilt about cheating on Aidan is not stopping her from any of this because this bitch is the worst. But you already knew that! More reasons why below:
#1 – She decides she’s in over her head and confesses to Miranda over drinks. The conversation is sort of like “feel free to hate me, you don’t hate me right, I hate me.” You like fucking Big more than you hate yourself so stop fishing for validation!!! Also, Miranda’s reaction:
#2 – Then she tells Miranda to tell her something to “yank her out of it.” Miranda isn’t your babysitter and she doesn’t want this burden. Blah blah Big is acting jealous and she’s terrified. LOG OFF BRADSHAW. Self-awareness is not her jam.
#3 – She asks the most obvious question ever (does he only want me because he can’t have me). Except apparently he can have her because he does have her. She also says she wants everyone to get out of this without getting hurt. Like that’s possible.
#4 – Carrie and Aidan are making out and she tells him to stop making some sort of kissing noise and then shoves him off of her because she can’t breathe. He understandably decides to leave, and she begs him not to. Then she says she’s in a weird place and needs more time. Yeah, you’re in a weird place called Two Dicks One Vagina.
#5 – Miranda is having her flirtation with the Blimpie sandwich guy and telling Carrie about it and Carrie of COURSE brings it back to her having sex with her married ex. She always manages to change the subject back to herself. BECAUSE SHE’S THE WORST.
#6 – Carrie is waiting for Big to check them into a hotel and this happens. (Sure, Carrie, the rules absolutely don’t apply to you.) When she is insisting she’s not the other woman but she is but she’s getting out – just STOP.
#7 – After Carrie ASSURES Charlotte she’s “getting out”, we cut to her in Big’s bed after yet another “we shouldn’t do this” sexcapade. He threatens to call Natasha in the Hamptons RIGHT NOW to tell her it is over. Carrie manages to convince him that is not a good idea and he leaves to go back to work. She showers and is grabbing cold Chinese food from their fridge when Natasha unexpectedly comes home. Carrie tries to escape but Natasha catches her.
#8 – She runs away like a coward and causes Natasha to lose a tooth. Saying she thought SHE’D be the one that would be hurt after all this is complete horseshit. Natasha and Aidan are the ones who will be/are hurt. This is bullshit. SHE IS BULLSHIT.
#9 – Then she gets home, Aidan is there and asks where she’s been and she of course lies because her timing on wanting to tell the truth comes at the worst possible moment in the next episode BECAUSE SHE IS THE WORST.
SIDEBAR: Charlotte is Bridezilla on steroids and we are finally introduced to Anthony Marantino. You don’t actually need to look at 1,400 different gowns, girl.