Whhhhhooooooo boy: the first post Big breakup/New Yankee episode and it’s a doozy.
Charlotte and Miranda show up at Carrie’s apartment to drag her out (and pick Samantha up on the way while she’s trying to stick it out with James) in an attempt to get her out of her apartment and hole of self-wallowing pity. And since they don’t tell her where they are going (a Yankees game), Carrie puts on a ridiculous outfit that no normal person would wear to a baseball game because she wants to look stunning in case she happens to run into Big. But I’ll give her a pass since they didn’t tell her where they were taking her.
Actually, none of them are dressed appropriately for what looks like an early spring baseball game, but what do I know?
I was lucky a kind person bailed me out, but this isn’t about me; this is about reasons Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst. Reasons like:
#1 – Miranda is excited about the New Yankee (NY). She is listing off all his stats no one cares about when Carrie, in her voiceover, goes over HER stats: Ten years, countless dates, five real relationships, one serious. All ending in breakups.
As Carrie is realizing her dating batting average sucks, NY blasts a foul ball into the upper deck, which Carrie “catches”.
#2 – After the game, Carrie flashes her press pass (why did she even have it on her?) to get to the locker rooms so she can get her ball signed by NY. NY comes out of the locker room, and Miranda embarrasses herself by acting like a major fangirl and asking him to sign Carrie’s ball. For some reason, Carrie asks NY to hold her sunglasses while she looks for the ball. When he asks her if she is a Yankees fan as well, Carrie tells him she thinks baseball is dull. After he signs her ball and leaves, she decides to chase him down to ask him to the Dolce & Gabbana party. I mean, what? Insulting a professional baseball player and then still getting a date? WHATEVER.
#3 – She only invites the New Yankee to the Dolce & Gabbana party because she was hoping Big would be there too, and she could flaunt it in his face (okay, yeah, we’ve all been there, but she should know by now Big doesn’t care). And she maxed out a credit card to buy the dress she wore. Like she doesn’t have enough clothes already? STOP BEING THE WORST.
SIDEBAR CHARLOTTE’S BALL HANDLER: Charlotte’s new boyfriend can’t stop adjusting his balls in public, and when she buys him supportive boxers to try and help the situation, he freaks out and dumps her.
#4 – Carrie and the gals are at brunch when Charlotte discovers that her NY stunt landed Carrie on Page Six. Samantha claims that she clearly “won” and Big will DIE when he sees the picture. Way to fuel the fire, Sammy. Miranda tries to change the subject to her new Palm Pilot, but everyone else wants to talk about Big or Charlotte’s issue with her boyfriend’s balls. Miranda blows up and says they are all like seventh graders with bank accounts and storms off. She’s not wrong.
#5 – Carrie must have some credit left on a different card(s) because after getting schooled by Miranda, she goes on a breakup shopping binge with Charlotte. She is so bad at this. She is so bad at everything!!
SIDEBAR SAMANTHA TRIES TO TEACH JAMES SEX: She really gives it her all, but he can’t make IT work.
SIDEBAR MIRANDA WHAT ARE YOU WEARING???
While out and about in this ensemble, Miranda sees her ex, Eric, with the woman he left her for, and she runs away and hides. I mean, who can blame her???
#6 – Carrie does eventually run into Big when she’s with the New Yankee. After a horribly bumbling interaction, he tells her she’s never looked better. Trigger meltdown.
Poor Joe is standing there like the guy who is about to be broken up with in the street that he is. Well, at least she tried.
Carrie isn’t ready to date again, and she calls Miranda, who validates that it is okay for Carrie to take as long as she needs to get over Big. Terrible episode, IMO.
Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst 