Carrie and Big are all blissful in bed until one morning when she wakes up and farts. She is so embarrassed that she runs out of bed covered in blankets and immediately runs in to the door. She gets dressed to leave as fast as humanly possible. The next day at Big’s, while they are eating Chinese food and she is babbling about going to a new exhibit at the Met, he asks her to get more duck sauce so he can slip a whoopee cushion on her chair like a child, and laughs his ass off when she sits down. Unfortunately, this sets up Carrie for some childish behavior of her own, including being the worst – the reasons of which we can now explore:
#1 – That same night, Big says he’s too tired to have sex, which introduces DEFCON 1 into our lives. Since he doesn’t want to have sex, she assumes it’s because of her magical tooting. She obsesses about this to Miranda while they are getting their nails done, after it has been three times in a row that Big has turned her down. Miranda says she’s human, and Carrie’s response is that she doesn’t want Big to know that. She says the word perfect like ten times to describe Big.
#2 – Next is yoga with Samantha, who is horrified and makes things worse by telling her that sex is the barometer for what is going on in the relationship, and Carrie’s asstacular (word I just made up) imperfection is a huge turnoff. When Carrie uses Miranda’s point that she’s human, Samantha points out that men don’t want women to be human. WAY TO BE THE LEAST AMOUNT OF HELPFUL, SAMMY.
Also, during this yoga class, Carrie is not actually doing any of the actual workout, but is just looking for validation, which she doesn’t even get. Don’t even go to class then!
SIDEBAR SAMANTHA WANTS TO FUCK HER YOGA INSTRUCTOR: too bad for her, he’s celibate and hasn’t had sex in three years.
#3 – By the time Carrie has dinner with Charlotte, she can’t bring herself to admit to the farting because, well, it is Charlotte, and if Samantha was horrified, imagine how Charlotte would react. But she still obsesses about how they aren’t doin’ it anymore BECAUSE SHE HASN’T TALKED ABOUT IT ENOUGH ALREADY. Also, she is there to meet Charlotte’s new boyfriend. Turns out, he and Carrie used to date! And they broke up because he was a sex maniac! Since Charlotte hasn’t had sex with him yet, she assumes he’s waiting for her, which makes her super horny. Turns out, he’s on Prozac now and has little to no interest in sex. Let’s remember this for later
#4 – When Carrie sees her neighbors having sex through her window, she overcomes her fear of rejection, calls Big, and goes over to his place. She tries to start something while he’s watching a fight on TV and he could not be less interested. She yells and screams about how she isn’t perfect and doesn’t fit into his perfect life, then storms out and waits for him to come after her, but he doesn’t – LOLOLOLOLOL. When she gets home, she assumes he would have left her a message, but he hasn’t. Well, what did you expect?
SIDEBAR MIRANDA’S DROUGHT: Poor Miranda (three months and one week into a drought of her own) comes over to keep Carrie company while she’s repainting her kitchen. I am sure she wished she hadn’t.
#5 – Carrie hasn’t heard from Big for two days after her outburst, and the following conversation ensues:
Carrie: Well, I think it’s over. I should never have farted.
Miranda: Jesus Carrie, that’s it. I’ve heard enough about the fart. It’s not the fucking fart.
Carrie says she knows it isn’t the fart. (OK, then stop talking about it, maybe?) The bigger picture is that she again thinks Big is perfect and she isn’t (spoiler: neither of them are). Miranda then notices Carrie’s neighbors, so they call Samantha and Charlotte to come and watch these people having sex. Rude, but also the neighbors need to close their fucking windows.
SIDEBAR: Charlotte dumps Kevin because he can’t give her what she needs. Super funny considering her earlier lecture about sex not being the most important thing in a relationship.
#6 – Big eventually turns up at Carrie’s apartment and asks her what was up with the scene from her one-woman show, Please tell me I’m perfect, or have sex with me now.
They don’t actually discuss their issues, or rather HER issue, and once he sees the couple next door having sex, he wants in on the action. Great problem-solving as always, guys!
Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst 
Carrie takes the words ‘sex’ & ‘maniac’ and puts them together in a mad way like it’s the ’70s, when ‘sex maniac’ was a thing.
Even Skipper is au fait with late-’90s slang — “I’ve never considered myself a…you know…a horn dog or anything”. (My bum would go in if I heard the words ‘sex maniac’ leave his mouth, if I’m honest.)
Like ‘piss horn’, ‘poltroon’, ‘pox doctor’s clerk’ & ‘petting’, ‘sex maniac’ should stay where it belongs: in the Old Duffers Lexicon for Dads.
And Mr & Mrs Get-it-on’s window can’t be that close to Hairy Bedsore’s window when they live across the street.
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Carrie is so annoying in that episode. Big made it very clear he is not interested in having sex & told her he wants to watch the fight she should’ve respected that (imagine roles reversed) the guy is chilling at home, watching a boxing match & snacking; can’t she fuckin wait until the fight is over? Especially back then there wasn’t DVR. Then at the end she throw her “I am not perfect” insecurity BS vomit at him then leaves angry expecting him he will stop her or call her — she’s delusional. Carrie Bradshaw IS THE FUCKIN WORST!
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