Season 1, Episode 1: Sex and the City

Welcome to Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst!

The beginning of the series has less material for me to work with. I don’t think Carrie becomes truly insufferable until she starts dating Big, but I committed to this as an every-episode type thing, so here we go!

The series opens with Elizabeth, an English journalist, moving to NYC. (And Carrie is writing about this for her stupid column.) Elizabeth meets Tim, an investment banker, at an art gallery opening. Tim and Elizabeth are attached to each other in every possible way for the next two weeks. They even look at places to live and Tim asks Elizabeth to meet his parents. On the day this meeting is supposed to take place, Tim calls to cancel because his mom is sick and can they reschedule? Of course, Elizabeth is understanding until she doesn’t hear from him for two weeks and when he does finally answer her many calls, he says he is busy and will call her the next day. Cut to the ghosting.

When Elizabeth complains to Carrie over coffee that looking for houses together in England would have MEANT something, Carrie responds via narrative voiceover, “No one had told her about the end of love in Manhattan.”

SIDEBAR WHAT: I am slightly confused as to why Elizabeth waited a full two weeks to confront Tim. He took her house hunting, so I am a bit confused as to why she didn’t lay down the law a bit sooner.

Carrie’s next voiceover talks about how self protection is more important than anything and that “Cupid has flown the co-op.” What the fuck does that even mean?

She explores this thought while buying the newspaper for which she writes her column. Why are there so many great unmarried women but no great unmarried men?

The beginning of the series does this thing where people are interviewed for talking heads. I am not sad when those go away. However in this episode we get the following gems:

• Peter Mason, Advertising Executive/Toxic Bachelor, talking about the “mid-30s power flip”, which apparently means gals who were single in their 20s and had all the power are now throwing down to get a husband in their 30s.
• Capote Duncan, Publishing Executive/Toxic Bachelor, declares you don’t want to get married to anyone over the age of 35 because they will immediately want to have kids, since that is apparently the only reason women want to get married. He thinks women over 35 should forget about marriage and have a good time.
• Now at least we have a talking head from a relevant character, Miranda Hobbes: she tells us about her friend who always dated hot guys and had a good time, but then one day woke up at age 41 and all of a sudden was a hideous troll who couldn’t hold down a job and had to move back in with her mother.
• Our first impression of Charlotte is also horrifying: “You have to keep your mouth shut and play by the rules.”

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• Finally, we have poor Skipper, who believes that love conquers all.

Now officially bored of all of these intros and talking heads, let’s explore the reasons why Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst.

#1 – Everyone is at dinner for Miranda’s birthday. Samantha suggests everyone should have sex like a man: without feelings. Carrie is now on a power trip.

At lunch with her good friend Stanford, she runs into her ex, Kurt (with whom she made a mistake at ages 26, 29, and 31). Even though Stanford tells her that he doesn’t want to clean up the ensuing mess for the FOURTH time, she ignores him.

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#2 – She decides to “have sex like a man” and leaves Kurt hanging before he can get off. He deserves it. He is “a self-centered withholding creep,” according to Carrie. I mean, I know you are, but what am I?

#3 – After she ditches Kurt, she is walking down the street when she runs into a dude, and the contents of her purse fall out, including a bunch of condoms. A different dude stops to help her gather her things, and it turns out to be Big, not a spoiler since this aired in 1998? I am not knocking her for the supply of condoms, but watch where you’re going!

#4 – I am not going to spend a ton of time on Skipper because he doesn’t last very long, but blah blah Carrie decides he and Miranda would be perfect together, which, LOL. If she were a true friend, this never would have occurred to her.

#5 – Carrie runs into Kurt at Chaos, and he is psyched to tell her that he loved how they banged without feelings earlier, and they should try that again sometime. Carrie is shook because she thought having sex like a man meant that only she was allowed to play with others in the sandbox while he looked on forlornly. Well, bitch, turns out you reap what you sow!

#6 – After Kurt exits stage left, Samantha points out Big. And I quote, “You see that guy? He’s the next Donald Trump, except he’s younger and much better looking.” This did not age well AT ALL. Big waves at Carrie. Samantha asks if Carrie knows him, and she says she’s never seen him before in her life. Sam proceeds to hit on Big and immediately gets shot down. Why did Carrie lie to Samantha about never seeing him before? It makes no sense.

SIDEBAR CAPOTE DUNCAN IS A CREEP: He brings Charlotte home, but when she doesn’t want to sleep with him, he at first acts like a gentleman, then shares a cab with her so he can go to Chaos and get laid (spoiler: with Samantha)

#7 – Then blah blah Carrie can’t get a cab home, Big and his car rescue her. He asks what she does for work, and she responds that she is a Sexual Anthropologist. He says, “You mean like a hooker?”

CARRIE: No, I write a column called Sex and the City. Right now, I’m researching an article about women who have sex like men. You know, they have sex and then afterwards they feel nothing.

BIG: But you’re not like that.

CARRIE: Well, aren’t you?

BIG: Not a drop, not even half a drop

CARRIE: Wow, what’s wrong with you?

BIG: I get it, you’ve never been in love.

This comment hits her right in the feels. As he drops her off, she has to ask:

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#8 – She has the wind knocked out of her. End of episode.