Wow! We finally made it to the end. Although, not really, because I have to finish the spinoff, do the movies, and suffer through spinoff v2, but aside from that, we MADE IT! Anyway, time to wrap up the original series, at least. Before we forge on to discuss the reasons why Carrie Bradshaw is the WORST (dot com), I wanted to give a special shout out to this Tumbler account. They have a lot of great GIFs anyway, but for this episode they do a lot of first season vs. last season comparisons, such as (and more to follow):
#1 – We pick up after week two in Paris, where Carrie is supposed to meet AP and his ex-wife for lunch. The only problem, of course, is that AP calls his ex to tell her he can’t make lunch because something came up at the museum. So, I guess that answers the question on whether or not Carrie has a phone yet. She looks gorgeous though.
SIDEBAR CHARLOTTE AND ANTHONY HIT CHANEL: Charlotte wants to buy something fancy to meet the birth parents of an as yet unborn baby (a couple from Charlotte, NC, it’s a sign!) but potential future Goldenblatt. I feel like Chanel is going to be lost on these people but what do I know?
SIDEBAR SAMANTHA AND SMITH AREN’T HAVING SEX: They are at a fancy salon getting their hair done, which somehow involves a dressing room. While they are getting changed, Smith tries to make a move. Sam pushes him away and after he asks if they are going to discuss the fact that they haven’t had sex in a while, Samantha explains that she has no sex drive and Smith is going away to film a movie soon anyway so what’s the point of discussing it?
#2 – Back to Carrie and the ex-wife. Juliet is complaining about how AP promised she could meet Carrie “as soon as” the exhibit opens. Apparently, that’s been his line with her for a while and now he’s using it on Carrie. Juliet also mentions she was sick of always coming in second and then offers Carrie a cigarette, which she gladly accepts.
#3 – Juliet mentions that Chloe told her Carrie used to be a writer. Carrie corrects her and says that she IS a writer (the laptop she left on her bed in New York begs to differ) and up until recently she had a weekly column (so, as in, not now), and it became a book (also past tense). So…
#4 – When we next see AP and Carrie together, he is telling her about the rave review she got from his ex. Then he gets a call from the museum and tells her he has to go. She whines about it because they have been spending so little time together, and then he drops his “as soon as the exhibit opens, (they) will have more time together” bullshit. He manages to get back on her good side, though I’m not sure how. She lets him take the car and driver and says she’ll walk around Paris (in ridiculous heels, of course). 14/10 to this dog by the way.
#5 – When she cringes after stepping in dog shit and has to find a fountain to wash off her shoes, well, she has no one to blame but herself. Haven’t you heard of SNEAKERS? I had to wear heels for two hours last week and I was in agony. Though they weren’t the high-quality shoes she buys, still.
Also, thanks to Page Six for getting a close up and cost info:
Anyway, this whole montage is of her doing Paris things by herself (which involves a lot of eating) and she’s so lonely and morose in her dog shit heels. Also, it looks really cold. This is apparently supposed to make us feel bad for her. But there is a perfectly warm, comfy, hotel suite and bed waiting for her where she can curl up by the fireplace I assume the room has and order room service. I don’t feel bad for her at all!
That night, when AP finally comes back to the hotel, she pretends to be asleep. OOOOOHHHHHHHHHH.
SIDEBAR STEVE’S MOTHER HAD A STOKE: We aren’t sure when, we just know it probably happened within the past week. After seeing what a mess her apartment is, Miranda tells Steve his mother can come live with them since her living alone is no longer feasible. This is actually incredibly touching given the fact that Miranda isn’t a huge fan of Mary, but seeing how upset Steve is, puts all that aside to do what is best for everyone.
SIDEBAR SAMANTHA TELLS SMITH TO HAVE SEX ON LOCATION: Smith is packing for his movie filming in Canada when Samantha tells him that he should feel free to have sex while he’s on location. Sam at least admits she’s not trying to push him away this time but wants him to have sex while he’s filming this movie if he feels so inclined.
#6 – Back to Paris, Carrie sees her book in a store window so goes in to pick through it. The woman working at the bookstore instantly recognizes her and breaks into English to praise her and then calls over her male coworker who does the same. They want to throw a dinner party on Saturday night in her honor. Carrie is on top of the world telling AP about her French “fan base.”
AP can’t go to the party because he has to unveil his show to the museum curator that same night, but she should go and have fun.
SIDEBAR CHARLOTTE AND HARRY GET SCREWED OUT OF A BABY: Becky #1 from Roseanne and Random Actor play the birth parents of the baby Char and Harry are hoping to adopt. Unfortunately for the Goldenblatts, the couple has changed their minds but wanted the free trip to NYC because they had never been, disregarding the emotional agony they leave in their wake. Charlotte is actually way more understanding and rational than I would have expected when she finds Harry writing an angry email to their baby lawyer.
Speaking of people changing their minds, Samantha changes hers about Smith sleeping with someone else. He sends her beautiful flowers and note, so she calls him to thank him and asks him to please not sleep with anyone if he hasn’t already. Smith was on board this train to begin with, so it doesn’t take much convincing. This is a huge, wonderful step for Samantha. I love them together.
#7 – Carrie is about to leave for her book fan club dinner when she sees AP in the throes of a panic attack regarding the unveiling of his exhibit, unable to put on his cufflinks. He assumes people will think his artwork is just a silly light show and that he’s old AF. He begs her to go with him to the museum.
She mentions her party, but he pleads that he needs her there. She tells him she doesn’t have anyone’s number to call and cancel (How about calling the restaurant? Just a thought.), but since it is so important to him, she will go. He makes her promise to hold his hand the entire time. I can’t imagine what could go wrong here.
#8 – Of course, four seconds after they get to the museum, the 27-year-old curator is gesturing about the exhibit to a bunch of randos, clearly in awe and thrilled with the work. He yells something in French and starts clapping and walking towards them. AP drops Carrie’s hand to shake his and then Junior and Co. whisk him away. Now, if it were me, I would just fucking leave at that point, but Carrie doesn’t, because she’s a doormat.
SIDEBAR MARY GETS LOST: Charlotte is over at Miranda’s visiting with her and Brady when Mary announces she’d like to go to the zoo. It takes Miranda a minute to realize that her jacket is on. Come to find out, the door is also wide open. Miranda leaves Brady with Charlotte and runs off the find Mary, presumably somewhere near the Bronx Zoo.
#9 – Back at the museum, AP and his groupies have completely ditched Carrie, who is sitting on a bench. I am not sure why she didn’t just FOLLOW THEM; it isn’t like she’s not allowed to be there, but I understand the show has to do this so the ending can be tied up in a bow. Carrie is about to light a cig when a guard tells her she can’t smoke. As she’s putting the cigs back in her purse, she notices a hole in the lining. Long story short, she finds her Carrie necklace and takes this as a sign to ditch AP for her book party dinner. Which leads us to…
They did a good job with this video. Carrie is trying to find her party, Big is trying to find Carrie, and Miranda is trying to find Mary.
Couple of things:
First of all, no.
One of them would have seen the other, yes?
Second of all, I am sad for her book club party people. Carrie would have had way more fun with them than sitting on a fucking bench, ditched by her boyfriend. And these poor people went to all this effort, so yeah, leaving a wine-stained copy of Carrie’s book, whether they knew she would see it or not, is fitting.
SIDEBAR MIRANDA GIVES MARY A BATH AFTER FINDING HER EATING PIZZA OUT OF THE GARBAGE: I have all of the feels.
#10 – Carrie returns to the hotel to find AP is there and innocently asking about her party. Her party was over, and she proceeds to give him the business about how he abandoned her. AP doesn’t want to talk about anything because he’s a coward. Carrie points out she left her life for him (without giving it much thought, mind you). When she insists that they talk, he accidentally slaps her (and somehow breaks the super expensive necklace he bought her when trying to hug her, which I still don’t understand, but whatever), which leads us to this speech:
And just like that, Carrie dumps AP’s ass. And while she’s yelling at the front desk clerk, trying to get her own room, in what I assume is passable French, Big walks in to rescue her.
Also, this is one hundo p the face you give to the man who, just two weeks ago, you told to never contact you again and forget you even existed.
#11 – I love hate how Carrie deliberately mentions she got slapped and then when Big wants to kick the Russian’s ass, she acts like it is ridiculous and the whole thing was a mistake. I mean, it probably was, but then don’t tell Big? Whatever.
After Carrie trips Big on the landing of what is probably the sixth floor (she and AP were in 625), we find them strolling along whatever bridge. And finally, Carrie gets what she asked for six years ago.
God. Finally. Listen, I know I’m no fan of Carrie Bradshaw (duh and or hello), but as a lady who used to make the worst possible decisions when it came to dating and relationships, I will begrudgingly applaud this “happy ending”, even though it is scripted. Carrie asks him to take her home to New York.
SIDEBAR CHARLOTTE AND HARRY GET A BABY: She’s coming from China and they are thrilled. Two people could not be more deserving. Cue the crying, part one.
SIDEBAR MAGDA AND MIRANDA: Magda walked by the bathroom when Miranda was giving Mary and bath and takes it upon herself to tell Miranda how much love that required. Cue the crying, part two.
SIDEBAR SMITH FLYS BACK FROM CANADA TO TELL SAMANTHA HE LOVES HER: OMG stop, show, I only have so much crying to give.
We get back to Casa Bradshaw and Big says it is too late to check into the Four Seasons. (in the middle of the night? No, but okay.) Carrie asks him if he wants to come up and spend the night at her place.
Is it me, or did Chris Noth get a nose job? I know these are two entirely different angles, but it seems quite obvious. Maybe he had a “deviated septum”.
Then we get the reunion.
And then, we FINALLY learn that Big’s name is John, and he’s selling his house in Napa to come back and be with Carrie. I have THOUGHTS about this given how the first movie starts, but I guess I will address that when I write about the movie.
- Big was right – these three are the loves of her life and coming in fourth isn’t a bad sitch.
- Why is everyone wearing dresses and heels when it is clearly winter and they aren’t at work?
- How is Carrie buying Manolos when she still doesn’t have a job?
- Has she paid back Charlotte?
- Does AP send all her shit back to her or did she and Big pack everything before flying back to NY? With AP in the room? Or did they banish him to the hotel bar?
- Who had the under on a month for the How Long Will Carrie Last in Paris pool?
After watching this entire series eleventy billion times, I understand why some people are mad Carrie didn’t wind up with Aidan, but it is very clear she couldn’t have ended up with anyone other than Big.
That’s a wrap on the original series! Next up, I will finish AJLT. More fun to come!