I was originally going to do this two-part finale in one post but then changed my mind. Since part one has been almost done for a while and I’m a giant slacker, I figured I’d post part one, so you’d have something to tide you over until part two. Anyways! We have lots to talk about regarding why Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst, Paris Edition.
#1 – Of course we open with Carrie packing all her clothes to move to Paris. She has a message on her machine from AP, telling her to stop packing because they have clothes in Paris. Ummmm, it’s nice he wants to buy her a new wardrobe and all, but shouldn’t she at least have some basics?
Anyway, after the message from Alex, there is one from Miranda confirming dinner, and then one from Big, because of course.
Carrie is on her way to a 5:45pm farewell dinner with the girls, in a very non basic outfit, knowing she’s going to come home and CHANGE into something even less reasonable for a red eye flight, but as someone who would prefer to lounge around in pajamas all day, what do I know?
#2 – Unreasonable outfits covered, we now have a Big hurdle to clear. He’s sitting outside her apartment in his car, waiting to talk to her. She eventually agrees to climb inside and talk. He assumes she’s mad at him because she hasn’t returned any of his calls (if you will recall she “deleted Big” a few episodes back, as she proudly told Miranda.). He tries to apologize for what a piece of shit he was to her during his angioplasty situation but she keeps interrupting him to tell him not to bother. I am not exaggerating when I say she cuts him off at every point where he’s about to tell her what she’s been waiting for since they met six years ago. Although, I do (sort of) admire that she finally grows a backbone at the exact time Big is ready to commit.
SIDEBAR F- BIG FOR REFERRING TO HIMSELF AS A NEEDY CHICK.
Also, it is total bullshit that Big is acting all offended she wasn’t going to tell him she was moving to Paris when he did the exact same thing to her when he moved to Napa. SHUT UP, BIG. You are making me defend Carrie Bradshaw!!
#3 – At her last dinner with the girls, she is bitching about Big and how he’s “the boy who cried love.” Not a word about her exciting future with AP, but I’m sure she’s THINKING about it. She’s mad Big ruined her last night in New York. I mean…she kind of let him, right? She drains her drink and declines another cocktail saying she can’t be drunk on the plane. Um, you’re taking a red eye to Paris, you SHOULD be drunk on the plane. Carrie gives some dumbass speech to her friends and then goes home to change into her ridiculous plane outfit. Her car service shows up and the next time we see her is in Paris.
SIDEBAR BREAST CANCER BENEFIT: Poor Samantha is sweating her ass off at this planning dinner and is railing against the “fucking breast cancer cookie.” Long story short, she’s asked to speak at the benefit.
#4 – Carrie shows up to Paris in this fucking outfit. She FLEW in this fucking outfit.
Look, the outfit is great, I’m not debating that. But why wear this on an eight-hour flight? Anyway. As you may remember, AP’s apartment is having work done so they are staying at some fancy-ass hotel. Carrie arrives, drops his name, gets her luggage sent up to their room and is directed to the salon, where he is lounging. She walks in to see him all cuddly with a young chippy and you can see on her face all of the regrets until AP spots her. Awkward, creepy shit happens.
And then we find out the young gal is actually his daughter.
#5 – Carrie is smart enough to excuse herself from this father/daughter reunion to take a nap and get ready for a late dinner with her paramour. Not before checking out the view from their hotel room, first.
#6 – Ten hours later, Carrie is ready for dinner with AP, except he is nowhere to be found. He had to meet people from the museum for an early dinner but was going to eat light and then take Carrie out.
I’m sorry but did this dress take up an entire suitcase? Because it looks like it did. Also, according to People Magazine, this shit cost like $80,000. I am well aware Carrie Bradshaw is not an IRL person who spent that much on a dress, but we all KNOW this bitch would one hundo p spend that money on a dress and by the way have you paid Charlotte back???
SIDEBAR ADOPTION: Charlotte and Harry are organizing documents to apply for adoption. Charlotte mentions that she is going to pick up her letter of recommendation from Carrie when she goes to pick her mail up. This bitch is in Paris for an undetermined amount of time and is just making Charlotte get her mail from the apartment SHE paid for? Whatever.
#7 – Carrie is sleeping when AP returns. She asked why he didn’t call. He did, but she had Do Not Disturb set up on the hotel phone. She looks at his watch and claims it is dinner time in NYC. Okay so let’s assume in NYC they ate around 7-8pm, which means it is 1-2am in Paris. Kind of a late meeting, Petrovsky. I guess there isn’t a specific reason she’s the worst here, I guess I felt like doing time zone math.
SIDEBAR SAMANTHA’S SPEECH SUCKS: She is practicing her speech for the benefit in front of Smith, and he basically calls it stiff and that she should be more real, like those in his AA group. Samantha blows him off saying she knows what she’s doing.
#8 – Carrie decides that after a week in Paris, she’s ready for a day of shopping. That may be true, but she’s so confident in her grasp of the French language that she forgot how rain works.
#9 – Carrie returns to the hotel with a bunch of bags, telling AP that she decided if she spent enough at Dior, they wouldn’t judge her. She also mentions she didn’t even bother to check if she recovered all her credit cards. AP points out she at least had one, and Carrie says she won’t be using it again for a LONG time. Okay but she gave up her job before she even got there so how was she expecting to pay for anything? Oh, that’s right. Her boyfriend.
#10 – She does, however, discover that her Carrie necklace is missing. She’s freaking out and AP cares JUST enough to ask if it is insured. Carrie mentions it cost nothing, but it is priceless because she’s had it forever. I don’t mean to be the Logic Police here (okay, yes, I do), but couldn’t she just buy another one?? It honestly looks pretty generic.
#11 – We next see Carrie wandering around Paris like a sad panda. She sees four women at a cafe living it up and it obviously reminds her of her gals back at home. She only moves on when they catch her staring at them like a creeper through the window. She decides to call Miranda from a pay phone to whine about losing her necklace. She says she can never replace it because she got it from a street fair. But again, I am pretty sure she could. Carrie continues to complain about her ONE WEEK in Paris and how lonely she is, AP is busy, she’s been to every museum “like twice.” Can I please get a fact checker on that?
#12 – After wildly exaggerating her museum outings, Carrie tells Miranda how much she misses her friends but ALSO: She has too much time to think, and Miranda shouldn’t hold this against her, but she keeps thinking about how Paris would be if she’d come with Big (HE NEVER INVITED HER). She then says, and I quote directly, “But that’s just something I do when things aren’t going perfectly with any guy. I compare them to Big.” They have to table this conversation because the French operator breaks in to presumably tell Carrie she’s out of time on her phone card or whatever, but I don’t have to table it and I won’t because: WHAT? When did things ever go perfectly with Big? Was I watching a different show this whole time? There was a brief period in season two when things were…fine? But the drama with those two was never ending so I don’t understand why he is the benchmark for a perfect relationship COUGH COUGH AIDAN, COUGH.
SIDEBAR SAMANTHA’S SPEECH: She tries to give her boring speech then says, literally “fuck it”, and gets a much better reception after she takes Smith’s advice to keep it real.
SIDEBAR THANKFULLY CHARLOTTE IS FORGIVING: She drops by Carrie’s to grab her mail and get her baby recommendation letter. Which leads us to this.
A few things; First, let’s hone in on their reactions when he walks in, shall we?
Second, Big did amazing job of reading the room/knowing his audience. Saying to them that the guy was just lucky to come in fourth is what pushed him into their good graces.
Thirdly, does he really need to roam the streets until he finds her? Are we to believe that none of these ladies know where she’s staying? Couldn’t Big just start calling hotels. Anyway, whatever, Big gets the go-ahead and he’s off to Paris.
#13 – In the last scene of Part 1, AP presents Carrie with a gorgeous necklace to make her feel better about losing the Carrie one. They are at dinner and minutes later, two of his friends show up and then all start speaking in French, so Carrie is completely left out. This is more a reason why AP is the worst, but she REALLY should have thought this move through a bit more than she did. Also, her outfit is ridiculous.
My reaction when I made a life changing decision too quickly and it was the wrong one.
Gee, I wonder what will happen in part two. I couldn’t possibly imagine!
Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst 
Miranda told you so! But you were too busy screaming at her and assuming she is just jealous and possessive
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