Before watching either of the two new reboot episodes, I’ve learned the following:
- Big dies of a heart attack riding a Peloton
- Peloton’s stock subsequently tanked
- Now they are trolling AJLT because they posted a new ad with Chris Noth on Twitter that I will post at some point.
Season One, Episode One, entitled Hello It’s Me, gets the elephant out of the room 1:30 into the show. Carrie, Charlotte and Miranda are at a restaurant waiting to be seated when they run into Bitsy von Muffling. She promptly asks where Sam is and CHARLOTTE says, “she’s no longer with us.” Tacky as fuck. Especially when we learn that Sam isn’t dead, she’s just in London.
Once everyone is seated, Miranda announces that she stepped on a used condom in Brady’s room that morning, while BAREFOOT.
It seems crazy to me that we’re at this point with Brady, but he WAS born in the season 4 finale, which aired in 2002, so he’s 19 in TV years? (I did hear it was the first episode that aired after 9/11 and it theoretically takes place in the fall so maybe he’s 20 but why am I CSI-ing this shit?)
Carrie doesn’t want to hear about this so she keeps changing the subject (how surprising) and then Charlotte mentions Miranda going back to school and whether or not she should dye her hair since she’s totally grey. We get the inevitable fear of aging banter. Turns out, Miranda is going for her Masters in Human Rights to pair with her law degree.
Carrie now has a podcast and corresponding Instagram page about fashion.
Charlotte comes back from the bathroom excited because she ran into some super Mom in the bathroom, LTW, AKA, Lisa Todd Wexley. A bunch of effusive word vomiting later, we hear Charlotte bullying Carrie into coming to Lily’s piano recital. Carrie says she can’t because she and Big are driving to the Hamptons on Wednesday. Charlotte points out they can go anytime but LILY’s concert is at the Manhattan School of Music.
LTW then shows up at the table. Miranda and Carrie peace out at that point so Lisa and Charlotte can chat for a couple more minutes about NOTHING INTERESTING.
Carrie and Miranda are walking and talking when Miranda brings up Samantha. She says it almost IS like Sam is dead because they never talk about her anymore. Carrie’s reaction?
It is such an infuriating conversation. We learn that Carrie told Sam that it didn’t make sense to keep her on as her publicist given what the book business is now and that Samantha subsequently “fired her as a friend.” Miranda says Sam’s pride was probably damaged, Carrie claims to have kept leaving her voicemails asking her to talk about it. And then, well.
OH MY FUCKING GOD ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? THIS FROM A WOMAN WHO BULLIED CHARLOTTE INTO BEING HER OWN PERSONAL ATM? Samantha has NEVER needed Carrie to make more money than she already was. She was perfectly successful before Carrie’s first book and then MORE successful after taking her hot ass to Los Angeles with Smith Jerrod. So basically shut the fuck up. The fact that Carrie would accuse ANYONE of using her for financial gain makes me…
Because let’s summarize:
- Carrie had no problem letting Big pay for EVERYTHING, both in the original series and in the first movie when he bought her Heaven on 5th.
- Aidan had to buy her apartment and the one next door so they could live together. Carrie couldn’t buy it because she didn’t have enough cash to buy tomatoes.
- When Aidan and Carrie crashed and burned for the SECOND time, she straight up bullies Charlotte into giving her the 2.17 carat diamond from Trey so that she could hock it for a down payment to buy her apartment back from Aidan.
- In the intro to the first movie, 1:46 in, she says, and I quote directly, “Year after year, my single friends were my salvation. And, as it turns out, my meal ticket.” Because she made their love lives material for her dumbass books.
- IN CONCLUSION SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING AWFUL BITCH. MY FUCKING GOD.
When Carrie arrives home, Big is opening a bottle of wine and she kisses on him for a bit.
SIDEBAR: Chris Noth is 67 and you can hear it in his voice, if that makes sense.
Big agrees to go to the Hamptons on Friday so that Carrie can attend Lily’s piano whatever on Thursday.
I don’t even want to get into Miranda’s word vomiting about age and race to her professor.
Or Carrie’s stupid podcast and how she asks Big to masturbate in front of her.
SIDEBAR: We’re at my mom’s house because we had a wedding last Friday so I’m watching this at her house and was screaming at my laptop at this point and she was like…”why are you watching this?” Because I have to Linda, okay?? (My mom is awesome though.)
Um okay so while Lily is killing it at her piano recital, Big is getting killed by his Peleton. So when Carrie comes home from the concert and does nothing to save him? Well this TikTok partially sums it up.
But no, seriously, why didn’t she do anything to save him? He was still alive. Couldn’t she have called 911 first and THEN run to him? I mean her human ATM is dying, doesn’t she even care? And Peloton is not here for this slander so they came right back to shit all over this episode. (I wonder if this commercial was filmed in advance in anticipation of their stock tanking but probably not and why do I even care?)
UPDATE: I assume Peleton deleted the tweet with the Chris Noth commercial after he got put in permanent time out.
Episode 1 Grade: F-: bad acting, bad writing, real bad story, no redeeming qualities.
Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst 
Concurred with every word. … and I’ve seen better acting at the k-12 “The Grinch'” production this week at my kids school! (And a 3rd grader threw up in one act.) And that ridiculous podcast with the juvenile “woke” button. And the out and out ageism. MPK is also the f-ing worst and so SJP signed off on this perpetual insult jabbing at the very much viable and successful Kim Cattrall. (Damn straight Samantha was ALWAYS more successful then even Miranda! And needed no ATM) all the while KC was in Italy dining with her hubby – per her post the night of the premiere! I also want to note the ig post by Willie Garson’s son – a pic at the AJLT premiere where SJP had her whole arse back to Nathen Garson (while Kristen Davis appears to one arm embrace him)… and so I guess sjp is still “not ready” to be an actual empathic human being…. because of course now that it serves her nothing – he’s nothing to her. Body language is everything. (Thank you for letting me vent. I’m incensed!!)
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I love the Peloton ad and I want the last scene of the last episode to be Carrie running into the Peloton instructor and Big on the street and realizing that he faked his death to get away from her ass. I would watch that for sure.
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This might be my favorite comment ever
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You’ve given me so many laughs! Happy to return the favor. 🙂
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The 911 thing I understand. When my godmother’s husband died, there was no time for rational thinking. He said he was going and then it was over within a few minutes.
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Oh I am so sorry to hear that ☹️
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yes, this sums it up nicely. Carrie has been insufferable and unrelatable for so long and this reboot happened against all our wills. We are watching it like a car crash, too fascinated to look away from the wreckage. What could be a great opportunity to show women in their 50s in the dating world (Golden Girls did a way better job with this) and incorporate real world issues, was shit on with labels, puns, and long pauses. Chris Noth, good call getting out of there. Lily did it kill it at that recital though.
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Question: are you going to finish the review of the old season? (please please please).
Also, I saw something on twitter saying that in the ad Big should have been with Samantha instead of the Peloton instruction. That would have been just *chef’s kiss*
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Yes I’m going to finish the original series, fear not!
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And the thing with alcoholic Miranda and her not listening to the pod! Seriously ? She was the first to get a Palm Pilot and she was the one who introduced Carrie to the digital world by encouraging her to have an email account ! Why are they making her an old fashion alcoholic when she has always been the avant-garde with her shit together! Too unfair to Miranda.
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I would give anything for a scene between Miranda and Charlotte discussing Carrie’s *delusional* rationale about why she thinks Samantha is done with her!! Even better, quick shots showcasing that Miranda is very much still friends and in touch with Sam on the down low. Anything to showcase that Carrie is an unreliable narrator at the very least!
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Ugh, this fucking show.
Kim was so right to bail on this fucking project. I can’t believe how shittily they handled her absence. Just say she moved to London and the time zone differences make things difficult, but she seems happy and is thriving. The end. UGH
Miranda’s word barf was really out of character for her. I get that they’re trying to show how out of touch these ladies are with current-day shit, but… she’s been a lawyer all her life and she knows how to use words carefully. It just didn’t ring true. I could see Charlotte barfing like that, but not Miranda. Even Carrie before Miranda.
The podcast is so damn cringy. I like Che, but the cohost is annoying, and the whole thing just felt like a massive cringefest.
Carrie asking Big about masturbation then sitting on the bed asking him to do it… with a critical, confused look on her face?! That was so fucking cringy I can’t believe Noth even agreed to that scene. I mean, aside from not wanting to watch Big jack off anyway, but the least they could do was make Carrie look like she was into it when she asked him to do it, instead of how she ended up looking like she asked a hobo on the street to take a shit in front of her so she could see if it smells different than rich people’s shit!
Some people don’t handle crisis well and we can see Carrie’s one of those people, which is the only way I can explain the lack of calling 911 as Big’s dying in front of her. Some people freeze up and don’t know what to do. It’s the only acceptable explanation that makes sense to me.
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I’m 100% sure the Peloton commercials with Chris Noth were done before the show aired….those ads are gone now because of the Chris Noth sex assault controversy.
I’m also salty that the show let Chris Noth exit the project by dying, but is dragging Kim Cattrall’s decision through the mud every chance they get.
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I can only ask why? Thank you for giving me the space to rant. I wanted to like this show but again it was ruined by Carrie Bradshaw. It really upset me that they so blatantly want to do a 360 to apologize (PERSONALLY) for the cringy things they said and did in the 1990s in the first show and in the two movies (which I could barely sit through) that they made these three intelligent women look ridiculously stupid. I’m their same age (a couple years younger) and while I acted like them in our early 30s I certainly have not been acting like them since then. I don’t think you have to be an attorney to know that the times are changing. Unless you’re a ultra conservative right – wing evangelical Christian, and you’re probably not watching the show anyway, you’ve kept up with the world through work, or tv, or friends, or kids, and you know that we don’t use the word “gay“ as an insult anymore, and we are sensitive to saying stupid things that are micro-aggressions – and aren’t funny – and have never been funny, and we don’t make ANY comments about anyone’s appearance except “what a nice sweater”, and we try to keep our white mouths shut and listen more because the world is changing and we like the changes.
So they basically spent millions of dollars and wasted all of our time to record and air a big “we’re sorry for what we did in the 1990s”. It’s a waste of my time.
But what I’m also upset about is the way that these women are so wealthy. I liked that when these women were in their early 30s they were kind of middle class for New York City. But the obscene wealth shown by Carrie, and BIG and Charlotte and even Miranda; it makes me feel shameful that I have not quadrupled my income since I was 28. In 2000 I made $35,000, which was a decent salary for a 29 year old with a professional degree. And 20 years later I have doubled maybe 2 1/2 times my salary. That seems pretty reasonable. But according to this show I should be making $400,000 a year. I never thought that the original series exploited their wealth. It always made Carrie and the ladies seem like they had their own style on a budget, so I could too. But the new reboot is so disgusting. I haven’t seen any charity work from Charlotte who is a stay at home mom, instead, she buys her daughters $5000 dresses to wear to one event. Even Miranda isn’t working, so who’s paying the bills for her huge house? Who’s paying for the kid’s college? Are we all in our 50s trying to make the world a better place, trying to teach our children that our values in our 30s were idiotic? Nope, we’re just all super rich, living in a super clean NYC with no homeless people, no poor people, and no gangs, and we don’t care about anyone else except ourselves. It’s really disgusting and embarrassing and all of it’s going to force them to have another reboot when everyone is 70 years old and apologize for their insensitive show of wealth.
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I was hoping to hear your thoughts about the podcast episode. Dear god who TF thought that was a good idea? The host admits she masturbates, fine. Like everyone does, whatever. Then she says she does it in public. GROSS. I’m sorry you are a deviant if you do it in public. No one wants to see that or know about it. In fact they squeal about man fapping in the subway and how it’s a sick problem, but then she’s all “I do it at a ball game!” (or whatever). She demands Carrie answer gross, personal details about what she does. Whatever about consent you woke hacks? She shouldn’t HAVE TO tell people anything she doesn’t want to.
Then that bully (Che?) follows Carrie into the elevator and basically says ‘look B, you have to start being disgusting and vile’ and Carrie is clearly uncomfortable with it. Again, consent. Then Che again DEMANDS it must be done. Do we need a rape whistle at this point? NOT COOL.
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Highly recommend Lindy West’s blistering take-down of S&TC2, in which she calls Mrs Shabbas “Charlotte Goldsteinjewyjewsomethingsomethingblatt”.
I may never stop laughing!
https://www.thestranger.com/film/2010/05/27/4132715/burkas-and-birkins
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Wow. Wasn’t expecting something so terrifying — and racist af. Can’t even touch reva lucia’s writing on this blog.
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