Season 6A, Episode 12: One

This episode is in my Top 5 of all time but obviously not because of Carrie Bradshaw, since she’s the worst.

So before I start trashing Carrie, I have to mention that SJP looks AMAZING in this scene.

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Alright, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let us explore the reasons why Carrie Bradshaw is the worst.

#1 – Carrie and Charlotte go to an art gallery in Chelsea where a woman is sitting in a chair, not talking or eating for 16 days/24 hours a day. I am not sure why that qualifies as art and neither does Carrie because she makes a lice joke. While she and Charlotte are giggling, Carrie notices some lady giving her a dirty look. But she also notices this.

#2 – When Carrie and Charlotte are about to leave, she spots her admirer again and points him out to Charlotte. Meet Aleksandr Petrovsky, artist. Charlotte fan girls all over him and after shushing her, he takes the opportunity to ask both ladies what they think about “this work today”. Charlotte’s answer is wildly different from Carrie’s. Carrie decides to do a brief standup routine which is insanely annoying.

This whole interaction is so weird. Carrie has been to galleries before so in theory should know not to trash the artist while still in the building. Whatever. She’s the worst.

SIDEBAR: Dr. Hot Stuff comes to Miranda’s with a pizza and another little box. Unfortch, he gets paged before they can eat. It turns out the little box is a cookie with I love you spelled out in chocolate chips. Miranda panics and eats the entire thing. The next day, she is telling Carrie about it and how great he’s being planning Brady’s upcoming first birthday party. Carrie admits that Robert is perfect.

#3 – At brunch, while the gals are waiting for Charlotte, Samantha whips out a new pair of glasses. Carrie looks at her as if this means she is the oldest person on the planet.

Lots of people wear glasses and it doesn’t mean they’re old, bitch. Samantha immediately goes on the offense.

https://satcgifs.tumblr.com/post/140555547741

As soon as Carrie is done asking if Samantha’s glasses are the ones you buy at the drug store, she decides this is the perfect segue to ask if Sam has ever heard of Aleksandr Petrovsky. (From now on he is just AP, I am not spelling that anymore). And THANKS, writers, for having Sam confirm he was “the number one hot guy at Studio 54.” I hate all of the writers on this show that decided Carrie was too cool for school and needed to be chased by a 70-year old ballerina. (Studio 54 was in the 70’s btw.)

SIDEBAR 2: Charlotte waltzes in with a shit-eating grin on her face. Turns out, she’s three weeks pregnant. I honestly do not know why this plot is necessary. For them to knock her up and then make her lose the baby in the matter of a week is just cruel and it doesn’t further the plot point for anyone else. F-.

#4 – AP calls Carrie and since she is afraid of accents, I guess, she hangs up on him like 90 times before he finally realizes he should announce who he is and Carrie, embarrassed as fuck, as she should be, pretends to be her own sister to avoid further embarrassment. Which does not work. AP wants to take her out to test her theory that at 3am, the chair artist will be at McDonald’s and not at the gallery. He suggests dinner first at 1am at the Russian Samovar first. Carrie doesn’t actually say yes, but then when her phone rings again and she assumes he’s calling back, we get this reaction.

How does one go from annoyance to giddiness in approximately 90 seconds? You know what? Who cares?

SIDEBAR 3: Unfortunately the call is coming from Harry because Charlotte has lost the baby. Carrie immediately goes to their place to comfort an extremely devastated Charlotte. No snark here from me, Carrie seems to do a good job being supportive when it comes to her friends and their reproductive issues. Charlotte says she’s not going to Brady’s birthday party, which…okay I mean it is one thing to not go if you just get your period again when you were trying but to know you were pregnant and then you almost immediately are not. I can see why that would be difficult.

SIDEBAR 4: Miranda and Dr. Hot are going through her checklist for Brady’s party. He asks her about the cookie message he dropped on her five days ago. She does a bad job at trying to make him feel better, then later calls Carrie to talk about how fucked up she is because she can’t say I love you.

SIDEBAR 5: I am not even going to TALK about Samantha’s bush issue except to say I’m not going to talk about it.

#5 – It is time for Brady’s first birthday party. Carrie is offended by the clown Steve’s mom hired and then has to be subjected to Samantha’s nonsense. You can tell she thinks Samantha is being ludicrous, which I agree with, and I hate doing that. Anyway, I guess don’t blow off your friends insecurity issues, no matter how dumb?

SIDEBAR 6: Charlotte is somehow inspired by Elizabeth Taylor’s tragic life and gets up to go to Brady’s party.

SIDEBAR 7: Finally. Fucking FINALLY. (Also, Magda FOREVER)

#6 – Carrie heads over to her 1am dinner date. AP is waiting for her in a private dining area. They go through this dumb exchange where she can’t pronounce his name correctly and then she tells him that she’s a writer. It’s dumb. Then she brings up Studio 54 and he just stares at her. He blabbers about how the past doesn’t matter, only today and tomorrow are important. He probably just doesn’t want to tell her how he banged his way through the 1970s.

#7 – 3:01am they pull up to the gallery. After AP has to chase down the cab to retrieve Carrie’s purse, they find out that, in fact, chair artist lady is there, alone, but definitely gives them an eyebrow raise and smile. AP invites Carrie back to his place but she says no. They end the date with a kiss.

This wraps up the first part of season six. We are magically jumping from summer to fall in the next episode. This episode aired on 9/14/2003, but the next one doesn’t come along until 1/4/2004.

I really can’t wait until we get to the last three episodes because I’m going to have a shit ton to work with.