This is what I like to call the Stupid Fucking Prada Episode. We start to see the cracks in Carrie and Berger’s relationship, but Team Berger. Anyway.
The episode opens with a Carrie voiceover blabbering about how in every relationship there comes a time to take a next important step. She and Berger are holding hands going somewhere, the tease being he is supposed to meet people who are important to Carrie (“they’ll love you because I love you”), for example, maybe her parents (LOL).
Where they actually end up is one of the many reasons Carrie Bradshaw is the WORST. Reasons include:
#1 – Prada. She takes Berger to Prada. Where everybody knows her name, specifically Tony, who greets her and wonders why all his customers can’t be as beautiful. Carrie proudly introduces Berger as her boyfriend.
A random employee also comes over to offer them coffee, water, or champagne. The champagne better be Dom Perignon is all I’m saying.
SIDEBAR: Cut to Samantha and Jerry Jerrod where he informs her next TGIFuckday has to be postponed due to the opening of his Kick Ass Play in Brooklyn.
#2 – Back at Prada, we find out that Tony is recently single and also trying to sell Berger a shirt that costs as much as a studio apartment. Tony then asks Carrie if she can set him up. Which leads us to….brunch with the gals. Carrie tries to pawn Tony off on a heartbroken Charlotte, who refuses to be a “fair-weather Jew.” (Tony is clearly not Jewish and Charlotte is clearly too upset about Harry to consider dating anyone.)
#3 – Carrie insists that they all go out on Friday so she can wear her new Prada and MAYBE Charlotte can feel better about her life.
Everyone is excited until Samantha opens her planner and realizes they have a Shit Motherfucker Fuck Shit situation because she promised Jerry Jerrod she’d go to his play.
SIDEBAR 2: Steve comes to Miranda’s to drop off Brady and let’s her know he scammed her a cupcake from some kid’s birthday party. He’s anxious to leave so he can go home and watch the Knicks game. Miranda convinces him to stay and JUST GET MARRIED ALREADY.
#4 – Carrie shows up to lunch with Berger in a fantastic mood and a shopping bag from Prada. He points out she has a Prada Abuse Problem. She presents him with the studio apartment shirt Tony was trying to sell him. Jack thanks her but points out that not only can she not afford the shirt, she can’t afford the shit she bought herself. While he is saying this, she is digging through her purse and admits that while she couldn’t afford what she bought last week she can NOW because she got an Advance From France and proceeds to pull out a $25,000 check because her book is big in Paris, I guess. Berger is clearly uncomfortable about this but of course Carrie doesn’t notice.
#5 – The next day, Carrie meets up with Miranda and Brady for a walk. I don’t know how she can always walk in heels but I love her outfit otherwise.
Anyway. Miranda mentions how Steve slept on her couch after the Knicks game and Carrie begs her to tell Steve how she feels, which is actually good advice. Carrie tells Miranda that Steve probably already knows how she feels anyway. Miranda says he can’t know because she is acting her ass off and then Carrie points out there is no Academy Award for that. That’s actually funny and she gives Miranda solid advice here but don’ let that fool you. She’s still the worst. They then run into Courtney, Carrie’s now ex-publisher, who is buying gin because she just got fired and also mentions the publishing house dropped Berger’s second book option, which is news to Carrie. Courtney says she would have been fired a week ago if it weren’t for the European interest in Carrie’s book. Okay. It was a week, not a year. Don’t feed her ego. Jesus.
#6 – Carrie tells Miranda that she feels horrible about how she was flashing her 25K check in Berger’s face. She should actually feel worse for not giving any of it to Charlotte, because we know she didn’t, even though Charlotte lent her at least 30K to buy her apartment. And yes I am going to continuously beat that drum.
SIDEBAR 3: Anthony and Charlotte are sitting on a park bench and he’s trolling for guys on her behalf. When she mentions that she and Harry JUST broke up, Anthony counters that it has been two whole WEEKS. Um. SIT DOWN Anthony. Just because you have no feelings doesn’t mean other people don’t.
SIDEBAR 4: Cut to Samantha half asleep at Jerry’s play in Brooklyn with like ten people in the audience. She perks right up when he ends up fully naked on stage and when she brings him home to her apartment he announces that he quit his job to do the play. She decides to help him and ends up using her PR magic to get all of Manhattan out to Brooklyn for a red carpet event. This is when she changes his name to Smith.
#7 – Carrie and Berger are reading in bed when she decides to tell him she knows about his second book option getting dropped. She tells him she feels bad about buying him the shirt and flashing the 25 large at him and he claims all of that is fine and he is proud of her. He could not be less convincing.
#8 – At drinks with Samantha, Carrie learns that they are all going to Smith’s play because Sam has pulled a bunch of strings to promote him for the play’s opening night (which I am confused about since she already saw the play…whatever). Carrie is confused about Smith not being threatened by Samantha’s success in general and why she is helping him, specifically. She is not confused about there being a red carpet, though.
SIDEBAR 5: JFC Miranda. She shows up early and dressed up to Steve’s because she has all of the feels. Turns out he’s baking cupcakes so she offers to help, assuming it is for another playground birthday party. Turns out, he is making them for his girlfriend Debbie’s birthday. Miranda is now trapped into helping him, which is totally fine with her. MIRANDA, YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ANYONE.
After Steve leaves, Miranda calls Carrie to bail on the theater event and cry about fucking up Debbie’s B. Carrie convinces her to put down the icing and blame Brady for not being able to finish making the cupcakes. Again, solid advice. Don’t do this to me, show!
#9 – Berger shows up with his motorcycle to bring Carrie to Brooklyn. She insists she is not dressed for a motorcycle and can’t have helmet hair for a red carpet. I will just let this video do the rest.
Carrie screaming that she worked hard for the money…did she? The show makes it seem like her job is easy. Also, I love how Berger parks in an alley by a dumpster. Here they are, holding hands in the Prada she bought for each of them. That shirt? $2000?
#10 – She forgives him once he tells her she is magnificent, then he ditches her on the red carpet after the paparazzi only recognize her and want nothing to do with Berger. Good for him for leaving. Why sit through a play with a self centered bitch waving 25 large in front of you when she had to charge tomatoes because shoes?
SIDEBAR 6: As soon as Carrie introduces Charlotte to Tony From Prada, she forgets that whole fair weather Jew thing. When the episode is ending and Carrie is feeling sorry for herself, you an actually hear Charlotte asking Tony if he wants to go home with her! I never noticed that before. Of course we never see him again but good for her I guess?
#11 – When the play is over and Samantha notices Berger’s absence, Carrie makes an excuse for him not being there (“he’s coming down with something”) and in the final voiceover says she is acting the part of the woman in a great relationship whose boyfriend is coming down with a cold.
Thank God we’re done with that episode. Up next, jury duty episode!