Season 4, Episode 3: Defining Moments

This episode is bullshit and so are Carrie and Big. At the beginning, they are out together at a bar (Monkey Bar, we later find out) and look like they are dressed up for prom even though they are out as “just friends”. They will NEVER be just friends and we all know it.

Anyway, let’s jump right in and dissect the reasons Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst!

#1 – After their night on the town, Big drops her off and then this happens after he offers to “walk her up.”

https://satcgifs.tumblr.com/post/168557875511

I do have to give her a smidgen of credit for not caving, but the way she was looking at him the whole night…I just. Can’t.

#2 – Charlotte is fucking Trey in public places all over Manhattan and is obsessing about what they are during brunch. (Boyfriend/girlfriend? Lovers? Ex-spouses who occasionally have sex in restaurant coatrooms?) Desperate to change the subject, she asks Carrie what she did that weekend and she says she went to Monkey Bar, only revealing with who when Miranda presses. Her answer gets the sort of reaction you’d expect.

#3 – This exchange:

Charlotte: So you and Big are really friends or something?

Carrie: Yeah.

Miranda: Friends…Or SOMETHING!

Carrie: Easy Prosecutor!

Miranda: Well, don’t you think you should define what you’re doing with him?

Carrie: Charlotte didn’t have to!

Miranda: Charlotte married the guy!

Carrie: We’re undefinable.

Ugh, this bitch.

Also, she says “undefinable” in a really snobby way but LOL.

Baffling is a nice way of putting it.

PAUSE: All the girls attend Charlotte’s gallery opening for Maria, a lesbian artist Samantha takes a liking to, which becomes important later.

UN-PAUSE:

#4 – Up next, Big takes Carrie to a small jazz club in the East Village. They are sitting RIGHT up front so the bass player starts eye fucking her.

When Big goes to get them more drinks, the bass player slips her a note to ask if Big is her boyfriend. I’m not saying she has any obligation to Big, but if they are so UNDEFINABLE, how can she so quickly shake her head no when asked if he is her boyfriend? Shouldn’t she take a Cosmo quiz or something?

#5 – After the jazz show is over and Big and Carrie are hanging out at the bar, said bass player walks by and Big stops him to shake his hand and tell him how great he was. Bass Player introduces himself to Carrie as Ray King, and when she introduces herself as Carrie Bradshaw, Jazz Neophyte, and giggles, Big gives her a LOOK.

Carrie decides she needs to leave and Ray asks for a ride uptown. Big offers to call his car, but instead the three of them hop in a cab. You can tell Carrie doesn’t want Big involved in this but HELLO, you came with him and now you are going to ditch him for another guy? That doesn’t seem very UNDEFINABLE. Hypocritical and bitchy maybe…

#6 – In Cab Ride De Awkward, Carrie is sitting in between her two dudes. Ray asks her for her number but she can’t find a pen, so Big offers her one. When the cab gets to her place, she gets out on one side and Big gets out on the other, leaving Ray by himself and with the wrong impression. Carrie is pissed and when Big starts insulting Ray’s breath, she FINALLY decides they need to define whatever it is they are doing. It is clear Big wants to be friends with bennies and Carrie does not – ONLY because she likes Ray, let’s be honest.

#7 – Carrie takes a shower after her “menage-a-taxi” and right when she gets out, they BOTH call her. First up is Ray, who plays some random jazz song over the phone. Then her caller ID beeps and it is Big wanting to know what she’s doing. When he ascertains she is on the phone with Ray, he starts making fun of him again until Carrie hangs up on him. Back to Ray. He asks her out and says “don’t bring the angry guy”, which ALWAYS makes me laugh. As soon as she hangs up Big calls AGAIN to ask her what she sees in Ray. When Big makes me defend Carrie I get VERY ANGRY. IF YOU ARE SO JEALOUS, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT ASSHOLE.

#8 – Carrie goes on her first date with Ray to a hot new restaurant opening. Coincidentally, Big is there with a new fling: Sha “the Y is silent”, obviously a model and too young for him. Carrie and Ray are there to meet Samantha because she appears out of nowhere to tell Carrie she has the last table. Sha(y) takes that as a cue for her and Big to join everyone. RUDE. NO ONE ASKED YOU. Maria is also there with Samantha. Cut to Carrie asking for more wine, and both Big and Ray reach for the bottle – Big gets there first and pours it for her. Ray, clearly offended, gets up and says he will be back. Also, very few people can pull off this look, but SJP is one of them.

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#9 – Carrie finds Ray at the bar where he tells her that the table they were at was bad and he wants to avoid it. Duh and or hello. Back at the table, Big’s date goes to the bathroom and Samantha takes the opportunity to tell him to pound sand. (Actual quote: “So if you’re just friends, what exactly do you think you’re doing? Because that girl might come off like she’s all strong and over it, but she’s fragile and she’s my best friend so I suggest you back off.”) She storms off to the bathroom, Maria follows her, and long story short Samantha decides to try a relationship with Maria.

#10 – Carrie opens an unlocked bathroom door to see Silent Y snorting a line of coke. Y offers some to Carrie and then tells her Big talks about her and did they used to date or something? On the way back from the bathroom she runs into Big who tells her that he and his date are leaving. Carrie’s response? “Well Ray and I were going to go first.” Is this a competition to see who can pretend to be more over the other person? YOU BOTH LOSE.

SIDEBAR: Miranda’s gross boyfriend is played by Jim Gaffigan. (If you haven’t see his stand up, specifically about Hot Pockets, do yourself a favor and Google it.)