Quick side note before we get to it – I can no longer take screen shots of the video as I am watching (HBO restriction from what the Googles tell me), so I either have to find the episode clips on You Tube and take one or get a picture I want off the Googles. If all else fails I use a random GIF to get the same point across. Hopefully you forgive me. Anyhoodle.
The episode where Carrie completely wipes out on a runway in a fashion show even though she claims to be an expert in wearing and walking in REALLY high heels. I’m here for it. We open with Carrie and Stanford at the hot new club/bar whatever and…is she wearing a bra OUTSIDE her dress?
They run into Carrie’s friend Lynn, a fashion show producer, and this is where we can start talking about the reasons why Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst.
#2 – At brunch with the girls when Samantha is talking about getting nude pictures taken, Carrie takes that as a cue to switch the conversation to herself and how she can’t say yes to being in this fashion show because she isn’t brave enough or too self-conscious or something (pssh). When Charlotte points out she has to do it because she LIVES for fashion, Carrie responds that she does not LIVE for fashion. Which we all know is a lie. I mean COME ON.
Charlotte also mentions strutting on a runway is no different than how Carrie struts on Fifth Avenue and Carrie has to ask if she really does strut. YEAH, YOU STRUT.
#3 – THEN Carrie says she doesn’t want people to judge her and think she can’t tell the difference between a model and herself. Which makes no sense because the show is a mix of models and non-models and people will know this so it’s like she wants them to think she’s a model but doesn’t want them to know she wants it.
#4 – In the typical Carrie writing her column with voice over scene she has to ask: no matter how hard we look, can we ever see ourselves clearly? Well, she obviously can’t. She is a walking contradiction.
#5 – Lynn calls her again to bug her about being in the fashion show and while Carrie is insisting she isn’t a model, she is also staring at herself in the mirror while fluffing her hair.
Lynn finally convinces her to do the fashion show when she tells her Dolce & Gabbana picked her to dress.
#6 – At her fitting for the dress she ends up not wearing, she says the higher the heels they put her in, the better. Well, too bad that comes back to bite her in the ass. (and by too bad I mean HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
As mentioned, she doesn’t end up wearing this, they give it to Heidi Klum instead, but I Googled the dress and apparently it costs $10,000. Um, I think I’ll pass. Sweatpants and a t-shirt work fine for me, thanks. Some well-known photographer Paul something or other shows up to do behind the scenes photos of Fashion week.
#7 – Right after she tells Paul she doesn’t like having her picture taken and is only doing the fashion show for the “free goods”, he asks her out. Okay but she doesn’t like having her picture taken but does anyone remember this from Season 1?
#8 – During her date with Paul the Photographer, Carrie starts showing him pictures he took of Cindy Crawford in the 90s. She has some sort of book of model pics I guess?
After her whole “Vogue fed me more than food” bullshit, she says things that are even worse:
Paul: The behind the scenes stuff I’m doing is so much better. It’s more real.
Carrie: Real. Ick.
Paul: Why are you so fascinated with the models?
Carrie: I just love them.
Okay, where do I even start with this? Vogue fed her more that food, but she doesn’t live for fashion? She doesn’t want people to think she thinks of herself as a model but being real is ICK? (WHAT ARE YOU, FIVE?)
Paul, for whatever reason, brings the photos he took of Carrie at her dress fitting so he can whip them out and tell her how beautiful she is. Don’t feed the fire, Paul! He does make up for it later, though.
#9 – The day of the fashion show arrives and she brings Stanford back stage with her. She goes from Not a Model to Diva in about five seconds. Charlotte is fixing Stanford up with Anthony (at the show) and he’s nervous but Carrie is literally like I’m a model now can’t think about you sorry hair toss. Then brags about how high her heels are going to be. She so gets what is coming to her.
#10 – Carrie is flying high upon the wings of being a fake model until she finds out who some of the non-model people are (Fran Lebowitz, Frank Rich) and all of a sudden acts like she’s been betrayed and wants to go home. Suck it up buttercup. The show is timed PER MODEL. Sit your ass down. I love how Lynn tells her to lighten up, hands her a champagne and walks away. Lynn is the hero we need in more episodes – she doesn’t pander and doesn’t give a fuck about it.
#11 – When D&G tells Carrie she basically has to wear jeweled panties and a coat instead of the dress she wanted, she starts having a diva meltdown. (It was going to be a different dress than the Heidi Klum one, some blue sparkly number that we never actually see her wear.)
SHE NEEDS TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THIS. Um, no one cares. They had to change it up so god forbid they wouldn’t show something close to what Dior is showing. That would be a disaster!
#12 – After being brutally rebuffed by Anthony, Stanford goes to check on Carrie backstage and bitch about it. Carrie is literally like I don’t have time for this get me another champagne. Then she makes him go get Samantha so she will tell her the truth about how she looks (which of course is, OH MY GOD YOU’RE A MODEL). She is insufferable.
#13 – My favorite part of the episode is when Ms. The Higher the Heel the Better just fucking bites it.
Pause to throw this out there: I wonder if they loosened the strap on one of SJP’s heels because you see it fly off and they had to make the fall look genuine.
Un-pause: Paul of course takes her picture as she is sprawled out on the runway so ends any potential of a relationship but he is forever in MY HEART. Paul4Eva
SIDEBAR: Miranda’s Crunch Fitness date, Judgey McJudgerson, first says she’s super sexy when she is self-conscious and then when she becomes confident he tells her she is full of herself. F-, Dave!
SIDEBAR 2: I love how Samantha tips her food delivery guy an extra $20 when he sees her nude photo hanging on the wall and tells her she has a nice ass.