Before we get to why Carrie sucks, I need to thank the person who retweeted this into my timeline to get me motivated to pick this blog back up. I’ve been slacking and can’t blame COVID since we can’t fucking go anywhere anyway and I am always home. But better late than pregnant, am I right?
This final LA episode pisses me off for a variety of reasons that DO NOT all include why Carrie Bradshaw is the worst. For example, Charlotte showing up because she can’t deal with Trey three weeks into her marriage and the whole Letterman Lou thing was unnecessary. But we can’t stray too far off the path of why Carrie Bradshaw is the worst, so let’s get to it!
#1 – Carrie assumes she can use her press pass to get her and Samantha in to a movie premiere after party. Well, she’s wrong, and since they skipped the movie, they’re out of luck (for like ten seconds). Also, her outfit is hideous but for some reason I can’t get screen grabs from HBO Now anymore and after about 30 minutes of googling for a pic I found the closest equivalent.
#2 – While waiting for Samantha to get their car from the valet, she lights up a cigarette and then out of some random side door comes Vince Vaughn (playing Keith Travers, claiming to be an agent, but is really Carrie Fisher’s assistant or something). After about two seconds of flirting, Samantha returns to say it will be an hour to get the car, but Keith is getting them into the party, so problem solved. Of course Keith asks her out and when he says he can get a table at Link, that’s all that matters. Because she only cares about status. Because she’s the worst.
#3 – She goes with Keith to look at a house before lunch and is so turned on by the price tag ($3.4 million) she makes out with him then and there.
#4 – In a voice over she mentions after “hours of stress free pool time” that she was starting to like LA. Well sure, you aren’t working and are completely disconnected from reality. LA is not like that every day bitch!
#5 – She makes Samantha drive two hours into the valley to get a fake Fendi and then immediately decides she doesn’t want one. I would have made that bitch drive back by herself while I took an Uber to the nearest liquor store and drank in the back seat.
#6 – She fucks Keith in his hot tub (well, Carrie Fisher’s, but we don’t know that yet). That is VERY UNSANITARY. And of course she spends the night and they get caught and Keith is immediately fired. She tries to buddy up with Carrie Fisher (who originally thought she was a prostitute) and it obviously doesn’t work. The look on Fisher’s face when Bradshaw is explaining she isn’t a prostitute says it all.
#7 – The outfit she wears to the Playboy Mansion. What even is this?
SIDEBAR: The whole Hugh Hefner thing is stupid and that’s all I’m saying.