This episode is the season finale and also incredibly infuriating due to Carrie’s lack of self awareness. Because she’s the worst. Let’s not delay exploring why.
#1 – The girls are discussing whether or not they can be friends with an ex – this is after Miranda sees Steve on the street and runs in the opposite direction, even though he’s already spotted her. After pointing out the concept of not being able to be friends with an ex is CHILDISH (she would know), Carrie starts babbling about how the love she shared with Big is in no way the same as the love Big has with Natasha (AKA The Idiot Stick Figure With No Soul) and I can’t even figure out what she’s getting at. However, she claims she is completely fine with him being happy with someone else. I’m positive she’s lying.
#2 – After spotting an old dress in her closet (earlier she mentioned they hang on to old dresses but throw away old boyfriends), Carrie is inspired to call Big. Except Natasha answers, so she promptly hangs up. Realizing Big has caller ID, she calls again and this time Big answers. She proposes that they “try and be friends or something.” Emphasis on the “or something” part because of course they can’t be friends – ever. She’s lying to herself. Again
#3 – They proceed to go out to lunch and get hammered, at which point Carrie tries to talk to him about his relationship but five seconds later changes her mind. She announces they should make a pact to not tell each other about their relationships until they get “really serious or something.” What is it about “or something” with this bitch? Big announces he and Natasha are engaged and that doesn’t go over very well. See for yourself.
I love how she just storms out, leaving him with the check. I mean, yeah, he probably would have paid anyway, but that is still rude as shit.
#4 – At a horse stable with Charlotte (while in $300 heels, I might add), Carrie decides to take all the credit for Big’s new found ability to commit claiming she “broke him in.” She also keeps complaining about the horse shit on her heels. Well maybe don’t wear heels to a fucking stable???? This is something a third grader could grasp.
#5 – Big calls Carrie to apologize and she’s standing there screening. At the point in his message when he says he’d “never ever hurt (her) deliberately”, she lunges for the phone like her life depends on it and is all, “I know.” Bitch, you don’t know. Don’t pick up the call mid-screen! What is wrong with you?? And OMG she says at one point, “it was a shock I needed to hear to move on or something.” STOP SAYING OR SOMETHING. THERE IS NO OR SOMETHING. JUST END THE SENTENCE AND YOU’RE GOOD. They agree to be friends. Then for some reason I am still not able to understand, Big & Natasha invite Carrie to their engagement party. Which leads to…
#6 – At brunch, Miranda says something about Hubble. I’ve never seen The Way We Were. But the way Miranda explains it (and thanks for fucking fueling the fire here), in the movie Robert Redford is madly in love with Katie but can’t be with her because she’s too complicated (HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU BITCH) and has wild and curly hair. Carrie latches on to this like super glue. Apparently he ends up marrying a simple girl, and Carrie decides that must be Natasha, which…I can’t. She’s stunning, she works for Ralph Lauren and she isn’t a fucking whack job. Then they start singing Memories or whatever the hell that song is called and it honestly makes all of them the worst, except Samantha, who looks horrified.
When Big tells her it just got so hard – that is the duh dot com of the day. And freakin’ Carrie just uses it as more evidence of her being complicated and Natasha being simple. Really though, Carrie Bradshaw is the WORST. It doesn’t occur to her that she was never on the same page as Big and their relationship was/is a constant game of poker. Also, the episode ends like we’re supposed to be rooting for her to find someone else but then when she does, the show shits all over it.
SIDEBAR: MIRANDA AND STEVE GET BACK TOGETHER YAYAYAYAYAYAYA