Ooooooh boy, the Hamptons episode. So much going on here.
Due to some complicated love hexagon involving friends of Charlotte’s, she scores a rental house on the Hamptons that the girls are free to occupy for the rest of the summer. Samantha has a 25-year old assistant, Nina, who quits in a huff and takes a copy of Samantha’s Rolodex with her. More on that later. Charlotte meets some 26-year old dude (Greg) waiting for the bus to ship them off to the Hamptons and of course knocks a solid 7-8 years off her true age. Greg invites them to a bonfire on the beach that night. Some virgin groupie named Laurel recognizes Carrie from her column and latches on to her. Now we can get in to all the reasons why Carrie Bradshaw is the worst.
#1 – Carrie takes Laurel to a book party (before I start trashing her, it was very nice she didn’t blow this very over-eager girl off, which she easily could have). When Laurel announces she wants to write a memoir about how more girls her age are saving themselves for marriage, Carrie looks very confused. While Laurel runs off to fetch Carrie a cosmo, Carrie immediately gets hit on by Dr. Bradley Meego. After 30-seconds of banter he wants to ask her out and causally drops that he has his very own house in the Hamptons. She’s clearly not interested so tells him that he can come say hi to her and her friends on the beach.
#2 – Meego finds them at the beach and is actually quite charming, while Carrie is still waffling. Later, they go on a walk where he informs her he’s made them a dinner reservation for the night. Her response? “Oh, well I’d love to, but I can’t abandon my friends.” DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES YOU ABANDONED YOUR FRIENDS TO GO OUT WITH BIG? IT’S IN THE HIGH FIVE FIGURES PROBABLY. THANK U NEXT.
#3 – While Laurel finds her way to Casa de Hexagon and is painting Carrie’s toe nails, she tells her that too many women devalue sex. Meanwhile, Charlotte discovers that Greg gave her crabs. Is that even still a thing? The funniest thing about it is that Laurel the Virgin is the one to diagnose Charlotte, who thinks it is a tick. So THIS is the impetus Carrie needs to call Dr. Meego so SHE CAN ABANDON HER FRIEND WHO HAS CRABS until the entire house has been sanitized. Over dramatic much?
#4 – The next night is the Hamptons Hoedown, a major even being thrown by Nina G Public Relations (as in Samantha’s former bitchy assistant). Okay first of all, what is Carrie wearing? After Nina G crashes and burns and Laurel takes her sucking up a notch too high, Carrie decides that twenty-something girls are harmless. Until she encounters…well….watch it for yourself.
I like that Natasha can sense how awkward things are and bows out as soon as she can. For accuracy’s sake and an FYI, this episode aired when Bridget Moynahan was 28 and SJP was 34. After their insanely uncomfortable conversation, Carrie runs to the beach to puke. (Supposedly she was at this event with the good doctor but we never actually see him)
I understand she’s upset enough to puke, really, I do. But this scene is honestly unbearable.
SIDEBAR: Samantha introducing Greg with the Crabs to Nina the Backstabber is amazing.