The Bon Jovi episode!! And Carrie is immediately the worst!!
#1: In the beginning of the episode voice over, Carrie says the best thing about being out of a relationship is being able to catch up with friends. But what she really means is that she gets to constantly obsess over her breakup with Big.
First up, we have her telling Charlotte that she feels bad for Big because she was the best thing that ever happened to him.
Up next is telling Samantha that Big has to walk away and be himself but she can still be herself and she’s so amazing why wouldn’t anyone WANT to be her.
Finally we have her telling Miranda that she had all the “poof” in the relationship (whatever that fucking means).
And then she gets all her poor friends together where she says she will find someone who deserves her and not some “screwed up insecure guy.” Big might be screwed up but he is NOT insecure.
The look on their faces says it all but let’s break down this intervention.
Samantha: Honey you’re obsessed with talking about Big and frankly we can’t take it anymore.
Charlotte: It’s out of our league
Carrie: What is this, an intervention?
Miranda: Yes, stop her before she obsesses again.
Carrie: Isn’t part of the whole breaking up process that you get free reign to whine to your friends?
Charlotte: Of course you do.
Miranda: But maybe you should think about whining to a shrink.
Carrie: Why should I pay someone when we can talk for free and then go get a drink or whatever? I don’t need professional help, I’ve got you guys.
Noooooooope. She’s gone too far with all three of them and they NEED A BREAK.
#2: Carrie then has the nerve to say she doesn’t need therapy, she needs new friends (RUDE AS FUCK – yes she says it jokingly but considering how much she sucks, she should not be the stone throwing glass house person or whatever). And when Miranda says that sometimes it helps to talk to someone who is objective, Carrie’s response is that she understands why Miranda needs to see a shrink because she’s always in her own head but CARRIE IS FINE. And then she calls therapy self indulgent. But you aren’t, bitch???? Cue reaction.
God she is the fucking worst.
#3: Carrie relents and goes to see Dr. G. AKA “very expensive foster care.”
When Dr. G has the gall (sarcasm font) to point out Carrie picks the wrong men, she gets offended and later tells the girls she picked the wrong therapist. Well of course she did, she obviously wants to be coddled even though she needs tough love (because she’s the worst). She insists to the girls that she doesn’t pick the wrong guys, they pick her. (Always the victim, aren’t we?)
#4: And then she meets Bon Jovi in Dr. G’s waiting room (he isn’t playing himself but I am calling him Bon Jovi, deal with it). I guess he has the appointment before hers so the first time she sees him she’s intrigued and then the next week she comes earlier and gets all dressed up. Of course, BJ (AKA Seth) introduces himself, and after a bit of coy banter asks her out. THIS WOULD LITERALLY NEVER HAPPEN (except in the Sopranos, which is also fiction). He hands her his card and leaves and he is just lucky Dr. G didn’t catch them in the act because she would have blown that shit up ASAP.
On their first date, Carrie doesn’t want to play games and tells BJ she likes him. Even though he’s full of shit, as we will come to learn, he says he likes her too, which I guess is better than some version of “well in a week I will be home and you can watch me unpack.”
#5: After another date, she brings him home wearing this.
I’m jealous she can pull that off and simultaneously an old lady who thinks she is showing too much skin. Le sigh. So he challenges her to a game of Twister and they obviously have sex and then during pillow talk the following conversation ensues:
Carrie: So why are you in therapy, seriously?
BJ: I’m really fucked up about women. After I sleep with them I completely lose interest.
She doesn’t even look surprised or upset!
SILVER LINING: When he asks her what’s wrong with her, she finally admits she picks the wrong men. Then immediately stops going to therapy. BECAUSE THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE. I get that she doesn’t want to run into BJ again. Fine, get a different therapist.
Irrelevant SIDEBAR: I want this skirt so badly but would not look that good in it.
Official SIDEBAR: Miranda and the across the air shaft dude. I mean. What? No. How does that happen that she lives above the guy her guy has been cruising and thinks she is the one getting cruised? ALSO WHAT IS SHE WEARING RIGHT BEFORE SHE FLASHES HIM
Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst 
The best part of this whole mess is that Carrie has the nerve to say she doesn’t obsess over relationships in a later episode where they’re unpacking in Charlotte’s apartment. Thank god Miranda calls her out and says she’s “Miss Obsess.” Carrie, rewatch this episode!
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