We open the episode with Carrie and the girls out dancing at a salsa club and celebrating because they are all single at the same time. But is Samantha ever REALLY single? It is such a girls’ night that Samantha shoots down the owner of the club (William, don’t worry, we see him again) when he hits on her. Shortly after, Carrie casually drops that she has to leave because she’s getting her picture taken in the morning for an article called Single And Fabulous for New York Magazine. (Stanford’s new boyfriend, Nevin, is the assistant photo editor, which is how Carrie got asked.) And now we get to the reasons why Carrie is the worst:
#1: The girls pressure her into one more drink and before she knows it, she’s walking home at dawn. In this outfit:
#2: As a result, she oversleeps for the photo shoot…
…and shows up in the same outfit looking like…well, not her greatest.
SIDEBAR STANFORD’S BEST LINE: When Carrie shows up to the shoot, she says, “I could not get a cab,” to which he responds, “So what did you do? Grab on to a bumper and let one drag you here?” STANFORD 2028. Also, Stanford’s boyfriend Nevin already hates her for being so late, and immediately snaps at her, so he can stay! (Unfortunately we never see him again).
#3 – Carrie doesn’t seem to understand why Nevin is so pissed off, because that would require self-awareness, and, well, she has less than zero. Some lady starts taking “test” photos of Carrie, but whether or not her hair and makeup ever get done ends up not mattering.
SIDEBAR MIRANDA FAKES IT: The next week (I’m assuming it has been a week because the magazine is now out but who knows), she is power walking with Miranda and Charlotte when they run into an ophthalmologist Miranda used to fake orgasms with. (His name is Josh)
#4 – After the power walk, Carrie runs to grab cigarettes and sees herself on the cover of the magazine looking like “something that got caught in a drain” (her words, not mine), with the headline Single and Fabulous?
As a result of the judgemental cover, all the girls SAY it doesn’t matter because they are single and FABULOUS EXCLAMATION POINT, but next we see them all forcing relationships they’d rather not have. Samantha goes out with the club owner, William. Miranda fakes orgasms with Josh again. Charlotte bones her out-of-work actor friend Tom who fixes things for her (and all of a sudden when he announces he’s moving to Salt Lake City, she decides she can’t let him go because he can caulk her tub).
SIDEBAR POOR SAMANTHA: She gets sucked right in to all of William’s “we” statements, and calls Carrie to gloat that William has invited her to spend the summer with him in the Hamptons.
SIDEBAR MIRANDA TUTORS JOSH TO NO AVAIL: She finally tells him it is not working for her and never has. Josh handles it like a mature adult. JKJKJK. He assumes she has “some sort of physical problem.” Josh also insists that he knows all about a woman’s anatomy because he’s a doctor. Miranda points out he’s an eye doctor.
#5 – Over at Charlotte’s to see some of Tom’s “handy work”, Carrie gets super judgmental over Charlotte’s “we this” and “we that” plans and even more so of her “bye, Honey,” when Tom leaves to get something from his place.
#6: After four days of hiding out in embarrassment, Carrie finally decides to hit the night life scene again. She goes to some bar/club/whatever with Stanford, whose boyfriend is also there.
Carrie blames Nevin for her own irresponsibility and tells Stanford he’s going to have to dump him because she ended up in a less than flattering situation even though it was her own fucking fault.
SIDEBAR SAMANTHA GETS GHOSTED BY “WE” WILLIAM AND MIRANDA FAKES IT FOR THE LAST TIME WITH JOSH.
#5 – When it hits 2am (on a Tuesday), Carrie meets a ridiculous looking Bradley Cooper. After they make out for a while, she leaves with him (in his car, which he should NOT be driving). He stops for cigarettes and sees her magazine. When he asks her about it, she instantly ditches him, thinking that if she doesn’t, it would be the first time she’d ever slept with a guy for validation. Yeah I’m so sure that would have been the first time.
Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst 
One of my favorite lines in the entire series……
“I don’t care if you shoot up.”
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