Season 2, Episode 3: The Freak Show

Another terrible episode. Seriously, I hate it. But I’m all in on this mission, so here we go. The episode opens with the shocking revelation that people in NYC are trying to get laid. Samantha ends up on a date with some S&M freak who somehow manages to hang himself by handcuffs and chains in his closet. Charlotte meets Mitch, a guy well known for his skills regarding the lady business area. (AKA Mr. P-Word. I hate that word so I’m not typing it.)

Charlotte, Mitch is not the one you’re looking for.

Carrie is still trying to move past Big (GOOD LUCK WITH THAT) and gets set up on a series of blind dates. First up: “the man with no soul.” (Some dude who makes documentaries but really just wants money)

After that is “the man with two faces.” (A guy who seems charming and then screams at random strangers)

That’s followed by “the man who steals cheap used books for no reason.” (Speaks for itself)

This leads her to ask, are all men freaks? (Miranda has already concluded that they are.)

Carrie is sitting in the park when she meets Ben, a rando who sits next to her and then they proceed to bond over freaks they’ve dated. In less than five minutes they’ve decided to exchange numbers and go on a date.

We finally get to the reasons why Carrie is the worst:

1. After she hits it off with Ben, Carrie sets Miranda up with Ben’s friend Luke. (After the Skipper fiasco, Carrie should not be allowed to set Miranda up ever again.) They all go on a double date and it is going swimmingly. Then Miranda finds out that Luke hasn’t left Manhattan in ten years. Things immediately go south while they argue over whether or not it is acceptable to leave Manhattan and Miranda ditches everyone as quickly as she possibly can. Carrie tries to stop her to no avail. And on her way out Miranda warns Carrie that since Luke is a freak and is also friends with Ben, Ben must be a freak too.
2. Carrie spends the night at Ben’s apartment. The next morning, he asks her to stay while he goes to his soccer game (in jeans, for whatever reason that is not logical). Still concerned that he is a freak, she ransacks his apartment (WHILE SMOKING) looking for signs to prove herself right. She’s more concerned with what she might find rather than the total invasion of privacy. Ben, of course, comes home early because he wanted to be with her, but instead catches her trying to pry open a padlocked box she found in his closet. It turns out to be his cub scout badge collection. End scene and end relationship.

I get it: dating is hard and is even harder when you just got burned but there’s no need to go through your new boyfriend’s apartment looking for proof he’s going to burn you too. Get it together, Bradshaw.

SIDEBAR: Carrie’s voice-over regarding Charlotte (and inadvertently Mitch): “The only thing that went down with any regularity on Charlotte’s dates was a Gold American Express card.” On point.