And now, we’ve reached the season one finale.
Miranda is dating a playwright, Thomas John Anderson. They have amazing sex, but then he always needs to shower immediately afterwards because when he was growing up, the nuns told him sex is a sin.
Walking and talking with Carrie, Miranda tells Carrie that if she had known he was Catholic, she never would have gone out with him in the first place. Now let’s observe at the church of Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst. Today’s topics:
#1 – For research purposes, and to observe churchgoers in their natural habitat, Carrie does a walking drive-by of some random church. She sees Big leaving with a woman. After he puts the mystery woman in a taxi, he spots Carrie on the street and comes to talk to her.
The first thing she asks Big is, “Who is the mystery woman?”
Look. We’ve seen this movie before, and whatever excuse Big has about whatever woman Carrie has just seen him with, no matter the explanation, she eventually lies down like the doormat she is. Big informs her that the woman is his mother, and he takes her to church every Sunday.
#2 – After her big encounter (sorry, I had to), Carrie tells Miranda and Charlotte that she’s dying to meet Mama Big. (Charlotte’s comment about how a man who cares about his mother makes a wonderful husband will definitely come back to bite her in the ass.)
SIDEBAR SAMANTHA IS LATE TO MEET UP, BUT SHE IS IN LOVE: She has come from a five-hour lunch with James. And she is in love. Who is James? Some guy she met at a jazz club a couple of weeks ago. Samantha is now acting like Charlotte – she hasn’t had sex with him yet, she loves their conversations, and she actually says she could see herself marrying James. This sends Charlotte straight to a psychic who had predicted a sorority sister’s marriage. So Charlotte’s first question is: when will I get married? The answer is psychic lady does not see marriage in Charlotte’s future.
#3 – At Big’s place, eating dinner, Carrie asks him when she will get to go to church with him and his mother. First, he grills her on her religious beliefs, and then he says it is a private thing between him and his mother, which gives Carrie the sads. He can tell, so he immediately changes the subject by pitching a trip to St. Barts that he’ll pay for. She agrees.
SIDEBAR BACK TO MIRANDA’S ISSUE: She tries to stop what’s his name from showering immediately after sex, and he completely blows up at her. After he is done yelling, he tells her to be gone by the time he gets out of the shower.
SIDEBAR Samantha has a BIG (small) problem:
Turns out James is lacking in the one area Samantha needs.
#4 – Even though Big told Carrie that church was a private thing he shares with his mother, she decides to STALK HIM AT CHURCH WITH MIRANDA anyway, because why wouldn’t she? She just wants to get a good look at Mama Big, and then they can go for eggs. Okay, psycho. (Miranda agreeing to this is surprising, given that out of everyone, she seems the least likely to condone this type of behavior, but whateves.) Then, once they have seen what they came to see and Miranda suggests they leave, this happens:
#5 – Then she STAYS afterwards to say hi because it would be rude not to, according to her logic. If it were me, I would have fled the premises immediately.
Big introduces Carrie to his mom as “my friend Carrie.” And after hearing her name, there is no hint of recognition in Mama Big’s face whatsoever. So Bradshaw says, “Carrie, Carrie.” As in, why don’t you recognize my name? Your son should be talking about me 24/7. I can’t do this justice with words, so let’s watch, shall we?
We have never disputed the fact that Big is a selfish jerk who controls every aspect of the relationship, including when he is READY or SURE that Carrie deserves an introduction as his girlfriend. Miranda finds Carrie sitting in a pew and tries her best to make her feel better.
SIDEBAR LET’S TALK ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE’S PROBLEMS: Stanford invites all the ladies to some party where Carrie unloads her Big problem on him, Miranda runs in to Skipper, and Samantha is super depressed about James. She starts crying in the bathroom and unleashes one of my favorite lines ever. When Charlotte asks if he is at least a good kisser, Sam responds with, “Oh who the fuck cares? His dick is like a gherkin!” Charlotte leaves the party to ask yet another psychic if she will ever get married. This one also says no, and that Charlotte is cursed, but for an extra $100, they can remove it.
#6 – Of course, the normal thing for Carrie to do next is to pack for her trip with Big, but then refuse to go unless he tells her she’s the one (she needs a sign, people). It’s painful to watch, both her begging and his reaction. Like, he literally says nothing, and his face says nothing. So she breaks up with him on the sidewalk and forgoes a free trip to St. Barts. Big doesn’t seem particularly broken up about their breakup. Like, he legit looks more irritated she’s disrupting his travel plans than ending their relationship
And that’s the end of season one. As I mentioned in the very first post, Carrie really doesn’t become The Worst until Big rolls into the picture in his fancy black car. And it only builds from there.
Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst 
Samantha’s comment is one for the ages. 😅
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