Season 1, Episode 9: The Turtle and the Hare

Why do people get married if they’re not in love? This is a question Carrie pops to Mr. Big after attending the wedding of her friend Brooke, who just married someone who loves her more than she loves him. Healthy.

It is during this phone call that he informs her he never plans on getting married again. Trigger meltdown.

And now, why is she the worst THIS time? I’m glad you asked.

  1. Stanford needs to get married to get his inheritance – his grandmother doesn’t know he’s gay. Carrie jokingly suggests they get married but Stanford thinks it’s a good idea. Of course she rubs this faux proposal in Big’s face because she is the worst dot com. He already knows that Stanny is gay and when he asks Carrie what she’s going to do about sex she says, “I already have you.” She’s totally doing that I’m-more-in-love-with-you-than-you-are-with-me-so-I’m-going-to-pretend-otherwise charade. Which is exhausting. Stanford takes Carrie to meet his grandmother but his plan backfires because she already knows he’s gay.
  2. Carrie finally has to come clean with Big about wanting to get married. He deflects, says something about timing, feeds her spaghetti sauce and makes out with her. Look, he’s certainly not blameless. Every time she brings up an issue, his solution is to guilt trip her and then make out with her. Sometimes, it’s hard to watch.

SIDEBAR: What is going on with all of their outfits at the wedding? Yeesh.

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