Season 1, Episode 7: The Monogamists

The intro drops us right in to Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst-ville. Reasons being:

#1 – Carrie is blissful with Big. She feels that the entire island of Manhattan has been reduced to two people: Big and Carrie. Because it seems to her that they are the only two people in NYC, she has no problem making out with him on a busy street during the day.

#2 – It’s clear Carrie has been blowing off her friends when Miranda calls, and Carrie says she can’t believe it has been so long since they’ve talked, and she’s been meaning to call. Miranda correctly assumes that the lack of contact is because Carrie has been fucking her brains out. Carrie also says she hasn’t been hit this hard since…ever, but she leaves out ever because she doesn’t want to jinx anything. Carrie says she can see the girls tonight because “Big has this dinner thing.”

#3 – At dinner, all the girls catch Carrie up on what she’s missed: Miranda worked on a successful merger, Samantha is looking for a new apartment, and Charlotte was “practically engaged.” She is practically engaged to Michael, except that they routinely engage in the “blow job tug of war.” I’m sure you can guess who in the couple is against them.

#4 – As the ladies are leaving dinner, Samantha spots Big on a date. It’s as awkward as you would expect.

Carrie and Big apparently didn’t have the DTR talk.

SIDEBAR SAMANTHA IS LOOKING FOR APARTMENTS: Her realator promises she will break her ass for Sam as long as Sam won’t work with any other broker. Samantha promises, but LOL because we next see her with a dude realator who she’s clearly having sex with.

#5 – Carrie gets hammered with Stanford. Stanford does not believe in monogamy,

Stanny’s friend Jared comes out of nowhere to brag about his book getting a “kickass review.” Stanford introduces Jared to Carrie. They hit on each other, and then Jared invites them to a party the next night. Carrie says she will do her best to be there.

#6 – Carrie arrives home dejected for not being impressed with Jared hitting on her. Shortly after, Big calls her to confirm plans for the next night and tells her, “I miss you, baby,” which she overanalyzes to death while at dinner with Miranda.

Carrie: He said, ‘I miss you, baby.’ “Do you think that was meant to be some kind of coded mea culpa?

Miranda: You mean like what he really meant was, ‘I’ve been a complete idiot. Please forgive me for having dinner with that other woman’?

Carrie: Exactly.

Miranda: Could be.

Carrie: Well, no, because that would mean that everything that he ever said that I interpreted as sincere is subject to interpretation. In that case, what I perceive as his feelings for me may only really be reflected projections of my feelings for him.

We are all Jean-Ralphio after listening to that nonsense.

SIDEBAR MIRANDA IS JEALOUS: I love how Skipper and his new girlfriend, Alison, who works at Vogue, walk by Miranda and Carrie’s table for a quick chat and Miranda is all, “Who was that self-important bitch?”


To make matters worse, Miranda calls Skipper while he and Alison are DOING IT, and as she is leaving a message on his answering machine, he picks up (still mid-fuck, by the way) and quickly decides that Miranda is IN and Alison is OUT.

SIDEBAR CHARLOTTE’S BJ BF WANTS TO BE EXCLUSIVE: She happily agrees.

#7 – Carrie is with Big at someone’s apartment party, and the first thing that happens is some lady comes to say hi to Big and tell him that he still has her passport. Carrie is no bueno with this.

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