Should I apologize for taking so long to finish writing about Season One of And Just Like That? The show is just so terrible but I finally decided to suck it up and finish. So here we are. Good thing I have a whole other season and then the upcoming one that premieres on May 29!
We kick things off with Carrie actually recording a podcast with Che and Jackie, and they are all trading worst breakup stories.
Up first is Jackie: A lady got COVID just to avoid breaking up with him in person.
Not to be outdone, Che thinks they can top that: A woman broke up with them on FaceTime. Uhhh, really? Clearly, Che has never had to split the check at Hooters after they were puking in the bathroom due to anxiety over the asshole they were with. (Hypothetically. Not me. Someone else.)
Well, Carrie needs the final word, which leads us to the reasons she is the worst.
#1 – Carrie says that because her husband died, she wins. According to Ms. Bradshaw, death is the ultimate breakup. And she is bragging about this. Um, okay, it’s not like Big left her on PURPOSE. Maybe he would still be alive if she’d dialed 911 during his heart attack instead of just staring at him. But for some reason, Che and Jackie agree Carrie has won this terrible contest.
Then, Carrie asks producer Franklyn if they have any calls from people who want to talk to a winner, and the answer is a hard no.
#2 – Back at home, Carrie declares she’s going on a date to Big’s ashes. We next see her ending her date with Professor Puke or whatever the fuck this guy’s name is – Peter, I think? I had to go to this episode’s IMDB to remember names because it has been a while. Anyway, Carrie and Peter admit they both Googled each other. Carrie jokingly denies being a NYT bestselling author, which is fine because she doesn’t deserve to be one. Professor Puke Peter was the New York State Teacher of the Year, 2018. So many accomplishments! PPP asks Carrie if he can kiss her (awww) and she says yes, so he does.
#3 – Carrie immediately calls Seema, who is clearly post-sex smoking with Zed (AKA Tony from Prada). Seema asks how Carrie’s date went. Carrie takes a simple question and makes it super complicated. She describes it as “charming, lovely, awful, nervous.” Carrie also explains how awkward the kiss was, and may I just say thank you to Seema for doing to Carrie what Carrie did to Samantha with Jazz Man.
#4 – Carrie turns off her reading lamp, but it turns itself back on. This happens twice. So of course, we then cut to her having lunch with Miranda and Charlotte while she declares that Big is clearly mad at her – obviously it was his spirit turning the lamp on and off. Miranda calls bullshit (regarding the existence of Heaven and/or an after-life) and after some back and forth, Carrie declares, “Listen, I can think that Big is sitting up there smoking on a cloud telling me he’s mad at me through a lamp if it makes me feel better.” Listen, everyone grieves in different ways and can take as long as they need, but Carrie is using Big’s death to rub it in everyone’s face as a winner, as a victim, as a way to use it for an excuse for everything and THAT is fucking annoying.
SIDEBAR MIRANDA BEING A CARRIE: After Miranda is done lecturing Carrie, she immediately changes the subject back to herself to announce that Che invited Miranda to have dinner with their family.
SIDEBAR CHARLOTTE IS DOING MUCH BETTER: She receives confirmation from a Rabbi (a trans-Rabbi, which is an important detail) for Rock’s Bat Mitzvah. However, since Bat Mitzvah is gender specific to females, Charlotte confirms it will be a They Mitzvah. I like that Charlotte has gotten past her cookie-cutter view of gender and is embracing her child’s decisions and pronouns.
#5 – Carrie texts Samantha that she kissed a man.
Samantha responds that it will be the first of many and asks how it was. I really hate this whole thing with Carrie trying to reconcile with Samantha because we all know she’s never going to show up due to the IRL tension between SJP and Kim Cattrall. Anyway, Carrie asks if she wants to talk, and Samantha responds, “Soon.” This is so dumb.
#6 – Carrie brings her lamp into a repair shop and explains the problem is that it keeps going on and off by itself, and isn’t that strange? As Liz Lemon would say, AH DOY
SIDEBAR ROCK IS NOT READY: They are completely unprepared for their They Mitzvah, but Charlotte is completely not having this. Anthony gives Rock the business and tells them to learn their lines.
SIDEBAR MIRANDA MEETS CHE’S FAMILY: Che gets up on stage at the bar and starts singing California Girls. This is to announce that they are going to California to make a pilot. And after a conversation where Miranda is so hurt and confused about why she is just hearing about this for the first time and just flat out doesn’t get it, Che announces they want Miranda to come to Los Angeles with them. And then in the next scene quit their podcast.
#7 – After Che’s announcement, Carrie and Jackie walk and talk about how they need to stay in touch and be besties. Jackie invites Carrie to his party on Friday night. Also, his girlfriend’s name is Smoke.
SIDEBAR MIRANDA TELLS NYA SHE’S GOING TO LOS ANGELES: She will be finishing the semester remotely because she could not pass up Che’s invite. Nya reveals her husband is going on tour, and I think we all know how that will end. She had already penciled in Miranda for lots of girls’ nights.
#8 – Carrie goes to meet John’s brother, whose name I cannot remember and don’t care to look up. He asks how Carrie is doing, and she does not reciprocate the question. He next asks where John is, by which he means his remains. Carrie initially thinks he forgot his brother was dead. Carrie explains that Big is on a shelf in her closet next to her very best shoes. Brother dude wants John’s remains so he can be buried at the family crypt in Connecticut, and they could make space for her as well. Carrie thanks him by name, Richard! Yes! I didn’t have to look it up! But she says she needs to think about it.
#9 – Carrie goes back to pick up her Big possessed lamp – the issue was a bad wire, which has been fixed. She is not okay with this.
And I once again apologize for the terrible quality of this GIF. I should not judge her for wishing the dude told her that her lamp was fine and someone from beyond the grave was communicating with her. On the other hand, she could have called 911.
SIDEBAR SURPRISE WEDDINGS: Turns out Jackie and Smoke’s party is a surprise wedding, and Carrie is alone until producer Franklyn, who has had a minimal presence throughout this season, shows up. He blows smoke up her ass about how good she is with callers and being a podcaster and her voice and he wants to produce her alone with her own podcast, blah, blah blah.
#10 – Back at the apartment that Charlotte bought for Carrie, Carrie is talking to her fixed lamp as if it is Big, and I quote, “If you’re trying to reach me, blink.” Nothing happens at first, and then when she’s settled in to bed the lamp turns on again and she says, “That is so you.” You mean Big trying to fuck with you and manipulate you as he always has? I agree!
#11 – She has a dream about Big and Paris, so naturally brings that up at Rock’s They Mitzvah, where Miranda is replacing alcohol with coffee. Honestly, what are the writers doing to Miranda? Anyway, Carrie has come to the conclusion that Big wants to be in Paris, on their bridge, so I guess she’s going to scatter his remains in the Seine. She also tells Charlotte and Miranda she’s already bought them plane tickets and booked hotel rooms so they can be there with her.
SIDEBAR ROCK IS MY HERO: Mid Mitzvah, they summon their parents to say they don’t want to do this and don’t believe in any of it. Listen, practice whatever religion you want, but don’t force it on other people, especially your children.
#12 – We have an original SATC vs. AJLT exact conversation except the characters are reversed. Please do not judge how bad this iMovie is that I made to do a comparison:
Carrie is far less judgmental about Miranda going to Los Angeles than Miranda was of her going to Paris but this was just too much obvious flip flopping.
SIDEBAR NO DESCRIPTION NEEDED AS MIRANDA HEADS TO THE AIRPORT:
#13 – The outfit she picks to spread her husband’s ashes. Like, really? I know she is all about fashion but is this not a little overboard?
She has an emotional moment and then dumps Big’s ashes off the bridge. I mean, he ditched her for Paris and then rescued her from Paris so it does make sense. The dress though? NO!
#14 – Carrie texts Samantha that she is in Paris and would Sam like to meet for a cocktail. Sam asks how about tomorrow night. Where does she live again? I don’t care enough to check.
#15 – We close with Carrie recording her now solo podcast giving people relationship advice. After the end of the show, Franklyn is blowing smoke up her ass as they walk to the elevator and then, shock of shocks, they make out.
Well, it only took me seven million years to write about this first season of the spinoff, so I better get my act together since season 3 premieres at the end of May and I haven’t even LOOKED at season 2.
Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst 
Christ, we were afraid maybe YOU had been dumped off a bridge in Paris. Good to have you back.
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Agent Orange Dirigible Takes Bridge; Paris Falls!
“Nobody invades us and gets away with it!” rails le tout France.
Try to Act Shocked.
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