This episode is weird because it definitely spends time on the stories of other characters but still gives us enough time to discuss why Carrie Bradshaw is the worst.
We open with Carrie and Anthony in some giant apartment downtown that she is considering purchasing.
If nothing else, the view is insane in the membrane dot gif.
Seema is on the phone with her dad, who is grilling her about the family’s upcoming Diwali party. She has pushy parents who just want her married off already. I just want Carrie to stop being the worst, but here are the reasons this is not going to happen:
#1 – Even though Carrie doesn’t love the apartment, she buys it anyway, as she explains to Miranda and Charlotte over lunch. She mentions that she moved into the apartment that Charlotte bought her when she was 29 and now she’s 55. She says she can’t be that person who has lived in the same apartment for 25 years. Okay, fine, but then why did she fucking keep it this entire time? Cut to her reading in her 1990s apartment and saying out loud that “This isn’t healthy.”
SIDEBAR CHARLOTTE’S ANXIETY: Rock wants to redecorate their side of the room. (Do I have questions about why Rock and Lily share a bedroom when Charlotte and Harry can certainly afford otherwise? Yes. Yes I do.) One of the things both Lily and Rock want to get rid of is Charlotte’s doll collection. Thank goodness Richard Burton is calm and ready to handle anything.
SIDEBAR MIRANDA IS HORNY: We get some flashbacks of Miranda’s kitchen episode with Che, which is shattered when her professor, Nya, breaks up her daydream. Nya asks her for her support in building a shelter for displaced women and children. Also, Nya seems to be under a lot of pressure to conceive a child, whether she or her body wants to or not. Probably not something a professor would normally discuss with their student, but what do I know?
#2 – Carrie is shopping with Seema because Seema needs a new sari for Diwali. There is a lot of discussion about the pressure Seema feels to be married and how her parents think something is wrong with her for being single. Her parents had an arranged marriage and learned to love each other, which is not something Seema wants. Carrie says there are two things no one should ever be talked into: love and ziplining. Apparently she lost a Fendi sandal while ziplining. Um, bitch, that’s your fault! Wear sneakers. Jesus. Carrie decides to invite herself to Diwali – also it is an excuse for her to buy more things.
#3 – Carrie and Charlotte are in her storage unit to gather some things for her new apartment. She has decided to learn to love it, like an arranged marriage (blah). One of the boxes she opens contains all of Big’s records, which gives her a case of the major sads. Cut to her in her new apartment doing something with food that is not cooking, because she still doesn’t do that. Something starts beeping and she can’t figure out where it is coming from, even with her giant hat (pulled out of storage) and glasses trying to assist.
She assumes it is the dishwasher. Wrong. Her phone rings. It is Anthony. There is still beeping. Anthony is asking her to go to an appointment with him for a facelift that he originally made with Stanford. He wants her to stop him from doing anything crazy. She wants HIM to help her figure out where the beeping is coming from. I believe this is one of the reasons she decides to sell the apartment she bought three seconds ago.
SIDEBAR POOR NYA: Her Fertile Myrtle friend is knocked up again and she and her husband decide to ask when Nya plans on joining the club. That is just so fucking rude. A couple’s reproductive plans, or lack thereof, are no one’s fucking business and unless they offer the information, DO NOT BRING IT UP.
SIDEBAR MIRANDA IS STILL HORNY: She is using an electric friend while flashing back to her kitchen adventure with Che and then Brady knocks on her door and she tries talking to him while her electric friend is still doing its job. Awkward.
#4 – Carrie and Anthony are sitting in the plastic surgeon’s office when he walks in and immediately asks Carrie “What are we doing today?” She looks confused.
This is the face of someone who continually expects to be told they look perfect!
Doc Plastic is super embarrassed when he realizes the appointment was for Anthony. He, and I quote, blames it on his receptionist.
Clearly my recptionist screwed up the exam room numbers again. She’s 22 and went to Oberlin, so there’s really nothing I can do about it without risking a lawsuit, so let’s just start over.
Justice for the 22-year-old receptionist who had to get thrown under the bus because her boss is sexist! (BTW, Oberlin is in Ohio and has a 34% acceptance rate, so I am not sure if that’s why the show decided to knock on Oberlin, but justice for them as well!!!)
Doc Plastic tells Anthony he doesn’t need a facelift. Carrie takes this opportunity to ask about whether or not SHE needs a facelift, even though not 30 seconds ago the idea was so offensive some poor 22-year-old had to take the blame. She tells him she didn’t get a lot of sleep the previous night and her husband died recently, otherwise for sure she’d still look 29 LOLZ. Doc Plastic is no idiot and tells her she just needs a “refresh.” He does some 3-D before and after with her face and I think I fell asleep so I don’t really care. He goes from “refresh” to “full face and neck lift” so…this whole thing is stupid. The whole duration of the appointment, Carrie is like:
SIDEBAR CHARLOTTE SHRIEKS A LOT: At lunch with gals, Miranda confesses to Charlotte that she had sex with Che and there is lots of yelling. Charlotte does not react in a supportive way. She thinks that because Miranda has been with men her whole life, she can’t be with someone who is non-binary. And she also tells Miranda she isn’t progressive enough for “this” and I have no idea what that even fucking means, but F- to Charlotte for being as unsupportive as possible. What the fuck is her problem?
#5 – Carrie goes to Diwali with Seema. Her parents ask Carrie about Seema’s boyfriend Dennis, who is clearly made up. She blows Seema’s cover by saying they haven’t met Dennis because Seema is so amazing she hasn’t met someone who deserves her yet. That would be a great thing to say if Made-Up Dennis wasn’t lingering right over everyone’s heads. Seema’s parents actually think there is still a Dennis, so maybe Carrie didn’t screw up. Hey, she tried. On their way home in Seema’s car, Carrie admits she hates her apartment and Seema says they will sell it, no problemo. Then, Seema gives Carrie a string around her wrist to remind her of her strength. Which is awesome but also justifies Carrie staying in the apartment she’d been in forever. So she starts to unpack.
The episode wraps up with Charlotte getting rid of the dolls her daughters hate and Miranda DM’ing Che on Twitter. So I guess they haven’t spoken since hooking up? How mid-20s of them!
SIDEBAR: I first started writing this post on 9/9/22, soooo. Sorry for the delay???
Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst 
Great article, always entertaining to read your commentary on the episodes. Keep up the good work!
founder of balance thy life
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Most of which, painful for me to relive! The look on Carrie’s face (in the nip/tuck consultation) was a classic. My work colleague in her mid 20’s — who like watches (as opposed to my hate viewing) even said: “How can a woman doing such a tight af – tell tale – facelift ponytail (or high bun) still look 3000 yrs old? Leave it to SJP. She’s a skeleton so that helps (not).”
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I enjoyed this very much. Thanks! It was worth the wait.
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Thank you!!
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1 hundo p on point with this. Carrie doesn’t deserve Seema, add her to that list of good friends who save Carrie from herself/and being an adult. (BTW: When DID Carrie pay Charlotte back for an entire apartment? The guilt trips that woman can sling! Gawd!) +Concur with it being worth the wait! (Still cracking up!)
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