Charlotte has the ability to plan weddings in like, a week. This episode starts and ends with Carrie trying out a flying trapeze for an upcoming column, but the meat of the plot is Charlotte marrying Harry Goldenblatt. The trapeze thing looks fun, Carrie can’t let go and do a catch, blah blah.
Before we can get into our main topic, we have three other scenes featuring each of the ladies. First up is Samantha, who can’t unzip her dress from the back, no matter how hard she tries…which…I’m so sure. They are going over the top to make a point that is unnecessary. Anyway she calls Smith to come over and do her so he can undo her.
Next we have Char and Harry getting engagement pictures taken on a rock in Central Park because Charlotte wants an engagement announcement in the Sunday New York Times. It’s a situation.
Finally, we have Miranda cringing at the tacky t-shirt that Steve’s girlfriend Debbie brought Brady at the 6th Avenue flea market, which he is wearing. When Miranda asks Steve if he washed the shirt first, he dodges the question and tells Miranda that Debbie bought Miranda an aromatherapy candle. This is all relayed via Steve because Debs and Miranda haven’t met yet, but her gifts do not go over well. Then Steve suggests she and Debbie SHOULD meet and Miranda panics and says she doesn’t need to, she trusts Steve completely. I mean…at this point how could Steve NOT see through this act?
Let’s let go of our stress and talk about why Carrie Bradshaw is the worst. (Although I really don’t have a lot to work with this episode so bear with me please.)
#1 – At lunch, Miranda is complaining about how Debbie got her a candle and how she thinks Steve wants them to be friends. Carrie lists all the reasons it is a bad idea to be friends with the “new girlfriend”. When Miranda asks if Carrie has ever been in this situation she says no and she’s just trying to be supportive. The only reason she hasn’t been in the situation is because she either completely ghosts her exes and therefore doesn’t have to worry about it, or BIG. Anyway, when Miranda says that Debbie is using Brady to get to her and she isn’t falling for it, Carrie says, “speaking of falling” and switches the subject to her stupid fucking trapeze assignment. You know you can be supportive for more than 30 seconds right?
#2 – Harry and his best man Howie Halberstein appear out of nowhere for some wedding reason. Howie is in from Portland (unclear whether it is Maine or Oregon). For some reason Harry wants to pimp Carrie out to Howie.
I don’t…understand this? They have the sexual chemistry of…Donald Trump and literally anyone? I mean her flying trapeze excuse is super lame because wouldn’t you have to make an appointment for that? During the day? So you could theoretically go out for dinner? Why do I even care?
All of her friends thinks she should just enjoy his company for the week.
She is reluctant and goes home to write her column.
#3 – Carrie decides to put fear aside and have fun. We are teased into believing that she will call Howie. In fact, she just goes back to the trapeze place, where she is still unable to do a catch.
SIDEBAR: Anthony Marentino is being as overbearing as possible planning Charlotte’s “Yentl Sheik” wedding. (He is yelling at someone on the phone and reminds them this is the theme.)
SIDEBAR 2: Miranda is getting ready for Charlotte’s rehearsal dinner, singing to Brady, when she hears Steve and Debbie approaching her apartment. Panicking, she instructs Magda to tell them she’s not there and then runs to her room closes the door. She only has time to do this because Steve can’t find his keys. When she hears him mention they need to grab some stuff out of Brady’s crib (in her room), she has to hide under the bed. Oh Miranda. Have some dignity. And you aren’t fooling Magda, either.
#4 – At the rehearsal dinner, Miranda and Samantha peer pressure Carrie into doing it with Howie. I mean, they tell her he’s there, she should go flirt, next thing we know, they are having jackrabbit sex.
SIDEBAR 3: Charlotte’s wedding day arrives, as does her NYT announcement. She has an ink stain on her face that makes her look like Hitler. She calls Carrie to confirm. Carrie is lying on her floor with a heating pad on her neck, the result of her soon to be talked about sex sprain.
#5 – Stanford escorts Carrie out of a cab as they arrive at the synagogue. She is almost bent in half due to her neck pain. Howie spots her and comes over to be completely overbearing: He’s booked them a suite at the Mercer and talks about all the things they can do before he leaves. Carrie tries to somewhat nicely reject him but it backfires.
#6 – A bunch of stupid shit happens during the ceremony to make Charlotte panic. Carrie yells at her in the bathroom to get a grip, which is valid. She thought she needed a perfect wedding to have a perfect marriage. Carrie reminds her she had a perfect wedding with Trey and look how that turned out.
SIDEBAR 4: We get to the speeches and both Howie and Miranda make it about them. Howie is trashed so his is a little more obvious: “And love means never having to say ‘you used me for sex.'” Miranda’s speech is a lot nicer. She talks about how brave Charlotte is, especially when it comes to saying I love you, because a lot of people can’t. She’s so distracted by how she can’t tell Steve that she loves him, she goes up in flames (sorry, not sorry).
#7 – I am grasping for straws here but we end the episode with Carrie trying to do that stupid catch again, this time with all her gal pals watching her. Why isn’t Charlotte on a honeymoon?
Up next, Carrie gets engaged…to herself.