Even though I love this episode, Big is doing more than usual to bring out the worst in Carrie Bradshaw. Before we get to that…
Miranda has an interior designer, Madeline, who gets her a couch right before Miranda’s friend Jeremy comes to visit from London. Miranda said he could crash with her, but after exchanging a few flirty emails, Miranda decided she would rather Jeremy sleep more adjacent to her body than on the couch.
But we aren’t here to talk about where Jeremy ends up sleeping (well, I guess we are, a little). We’re here to talk about the why Carrie is the worst.
#1 – Carrie forgets a toothbrush while spending the night at Big’s and takes encouragement from him giving her a pink toothbrush head to use on his electric toothbrush. In a voice-over, she says, “There was only one pink brush head, and Big was giving it to me. It was the single most encouraging moment so far in our relationship.” I WANT YOU TO THINK VERY CAREFULLY ABOUT THAT AND IS THIS REALLY A RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT TO BE IN???
SIDEBAR, UNACCEPTABLE: Jeremy, this is not an appropriate wine pour.
However, it ultimately doesn’t matter because Madeline bursts in with Miranda’s end table and gets herself invited to dinner, by Jeremy. RUDE. Then a week later, Miranda is throwing him a going away party where he announces that he and Madeline are engaged. WUT.
#2 – While Miranda is bitching about how she thought buying a place would put her squarely on the highway to marriage, Carrie declares that Madeline at least owes Miranda a mortgage payment. Yes because it is all about money with her.
#3 – Charlotte says this is encouraging because you could be engaged to someone that you haven’t even met yet in a couple of weeks. Carrie counters that you could also be with someone for a year and be thrilled to get a toothbrush head.
#4 – After the going away/engagement party, Carrie calls Big for a reality check to see if he believes in love at first sight. By reality check, of course, I mean she wants him to admit he fell in love with HER at first sight. Not gonna happen. No, he doesn’t believe in love at first sight and also wants to know what she’s wearing.
#5 – Madeline asks Carrie to write a poem about love to read during the reception, which Carrie promptly bitches about when she’s next out with the girls. She specifically says that she writes about sex and not love, and what does she know about love? Well, in past and future episodes she apparently knows everything, but in this episode?
SIDEBAR SAMANTHA’S DEJA FUCK: She picks up a guy on his way to Jeremy’s party and later reveals while they were having sex later that she realized she’d already had sex with him 15 years ago. He thought she was playing Sexy Stranger Game. OKAYYYYYY.
#6 – Charlotte asks Samantha how she could forget someone she had slept with and Carrie jumps in answer, “Toto, I don’t think we’re in single-digits anymore.”
#7 – Big makes a whole lot of fun of this love poem as Carrie is trying to write while in bed with him. Then he asks when the wedding is and she says it doesn’t matter because he’s not going. He tells her he wouldn’t miss seeing her read her poem for anything, which turns out to be incorrect.
#8 – When he shows up at her apartment to take her to the wedding, he tells her that he doesn’t want to sign the card for the gift because they aren’t his friends and why was his name on the invitation anyway? HOW DID THEY GET HIS NAME? Trigger meltdown.
SIDEBAR TYPICAL: Charlotte meets Martin, her love-at-first-sight groomsman. (How are they just meeting before the ceremony? Was there no rehearsal?)
#9 – During Carrie’s poem (which is NOT GOOD), Big takes a call and leaves the room. In her voiceover, she observes that two people are committing to a lifetime together and she can’t get Big to sign the same card as her. She disguises her tears as emotion for the bride and groom. Trigger second meltdown.
SIDEBAR WEDDINGS: Charlotte and Martin, who are at the same table with Carrie and Co, are discussing their future goals: number of kids, dogs vs. cats, what their song should be. I’m sure it turns out fine.
#10 – Big finally returns from his call asking what he missed. Carrie said he missed her poem and most of the reception but a slow dance will help her forgive and forget. Big says he doesn’t like to dance while people are eating. Trigger third meltdown.
SIDEBAR ABSOLUTELY NOT: Miranda says that her job as the guest book person extends to her having to put the wedding gifts in the van person. NO. Madeline and Jeremy planned a black-tie wedding at the Plaza in four weeks, surely they can afford a wedding planner to do this.
SIDEBAR CHARLOTTE AGAIN: She and Martin bang in the honeymoon suite and when they come back to the reception, Martin introduces Charlotte to his parents. His dad asks Charlotte to dance and pretty early on grabs her ass. When she tells Martin, he calls her a slut and storms off. Her response is classic: “Did the last four and a half hours mean nothing to you?”
#11 – When she finally meets back up with Big, she has meltdown #4 because he wants to leave and the bride and groom haven’t even cut the cake yet and remember how he wouldn’t even sign the card? The following ensues:
Carrie: “I’m afraid we don’t want the same things.
Big: “Things like cake?”
Carrie: “I want someone who is going to be with me to the end. Of a wedding.”
So Big says he will stay, which is enough for Carrie so then she says they can leave anyway. As she is saying goodbye to her friends, the bride throws the bouquet and it lands at her feet. She shrugs her shoulders and leaves. This bitch is exhausting.
Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst 
I love the domain name, which I found after working on re-watching original Sex in the City. Carrie is JUST the worst. Clothing and all. It’s a delightful train wreck.
LikeLike