In our episode intro/voice-over, we see Carrie and Big continuously bumping into each other at various social events. At some point they decide to meet for drinks at 10:30pm on a Saturday night. It just happens to be the hottest new restaurant that Samantha’s PR firm is handling. Miranda, Carrie, and Charlotte meet up outside. Charlotte immediately points out her new boyfriend Brian, who, according to Carrie’s voice-over, has Charlotte’s big three: looks, manners, money.
Before Charlotte is done swooning, Carrie begins to show the reasons she is the worst.
#1 – I can’t tell from the angle if she’s checking Miranda’s watch or her own but she declares that “he is late.” “He”, of course, is Big, and Charlotte could not be more excited that Big and Carrie are finally getting together. Charlotte asks if it is a date and Carrie says no, it is a “thing”. According to Carrie, he said “meet me for a drink thing.”
SIDEBAR POOR SKIPPER: Right after Carrie goes inside to see if Big is around for their “thing”, Miranda is looking for Skipper and describes their relationship to Charlotte as follows:
#2 – Once inside, Carrie uses some random phone to check her messages. She has one from Big. It says that something came up and he is not going to meet her. Naturally, she makes Miranda listen to it (BECAUSE SHE’S 12), in a really loud bar, by the way, to interpret if he is canceling this meeting as a date or as friends.
#3 – After the message of no interpretation, Carrie and Miranda head over to Samantha’s booth, where she is hanging out with the hottest new chef in town, Jon, no H. With them is 20-something Jon’s friend Sam, who knows the bartender and can get Carrie and Miranda their drink of choice, unlike poor Skipper who shows up with rum and coke, to which Miranda replies, “Well I hate rum, and I hate coke, but thanks.” This is two seconds before Sam comes back with the martinis Skipper said the bartender stopped making. Carrie is all about Sam, it’s like Big never even existed 20 minutes ago.
#4 – Sam asks if Carrie wants to see something, which turns out to be his tongue ring. Big shows up out of nowhere as she is fingering Sam’s tongue/tongue ring – awkward.
Big claims that he said he’d try to make it for an hour, Carrie disagrees. The point, however, is that his hour is up because of the time he spent in line and then looking for her in the club before he found her playing with Sam’s tongue.
#5 – Sam suggests they go elsewhere, so she ends up at a different club with him where they makeout forever. The next morning, Carrie wakes up along but gets a call from Samantha about her marathon sex session with Jon, no H. Carrie reveals she and Sam just made out for five hours. While writing her column, she wonders if men in their 20s are the new designer drug.
#6 – Carrie is walking down the street with Miranda and in the flash of a second, ditches her because she’s late for a “meeting with her editor,” which is code for “making out with Sam in a Banana Republic dressing room.”
#7 – Next scene she’s getting ready for a “date” with Big. Same day? Next day? Does it even matter? Bitch likes to juggle. But then Charlotte calls her and says Brian asked her to do anal. So Carrie decides everyone needs to get together in a cab to talk it out.
#8 – Carrie arrives for drinks with Big and declares it is amazing they are at the same place at the same time and it is just the two of them. Big is all, “uh actually”… Meet Jack, going through his second divorce where he claims, “the bitch is getting everything the first bitch didn’t. Carrie takes this as a sign to leave and go meet up with Sam. Not before she drops money on the table as a cool gesture to treat Big and Jack to drinks, but it turns out it is the only cash she has.
#9 – Carrie walks 48 blocks in $400 shoes to find Sam. After she spends the night with him, she buys shoes she can’t afford to alleviate the depression and disgust she feels about his 20-something apartment. (No toilet paper, no way to make coffee, etc). The she runs in to Big and Friends after shoe shopping and coyly refuses to join them, which actually gets the result she wants. He chases after her and promises to take her on a proper date.
Her constant shoe shopping is going to come up A LOT. As is her merry-go-round/seesaw/relationship o’doom with Mr. Big. Buckle up, kids!
Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst 