Before we get to why Carrie sucks, I need to thank the person who retweeted this into my timeline to get me motivated to pick this blog back up. I’ve been slacking and can’t blame COVID since we can’t fucking go anywhere anyway and I am always home. But better late than pregnant, am I right?
This final LA episode pisses me off for a variety of reasons that DO NOT all include why Carrie Bradshaw is the worst. For example, Charlotte showing up because she can’t deal with Trey three weeks into her marriage and the whole Letterman Lou thing was unnecessary. But we can’t stray too far off the path of why Carrie Bradshaw is the worst, so let’s get to it!
#1 – Carrie assumes she can use her press pass to get her and Samantha in to a movie premiere after party. Well, she’s wrong, and since they skipped the movie, they’re out of luck (for like ten seconds). Also, her outfit is hideous but for some reason I can’t get screen grabs from HBO Now anymore and after about 30 minutes of googling for a pic I found the closest equivalent.
#2 – While waiting for Samantha to get their car from the valet, she lights up a cigarette and then out of some random side door comes Vince Vaughn (playing Keith Travers, claiming to be an agent, but is really Carrie Fisher’s assistant or something). After about two seconds of flirting, Samantha returns to say it will be an hour to get the car, but Keith is getting them into the party, so problem solved. Of course Keith asks her out and when he says he can get a table at Link, that’s all that matters. Because she only cares about status. Because she’s the worst.
#3 – She goes with Keith to look at a house before lunch and is so turned on by the price tag ($3.4 million) she makes out with him then and there.
#4 – In a voice over she mentions after “hours of stress free pool time” that she was starting to like LA. Well sure, you aren’t working and are completely disconnected from reality. LA is not like that every day bitch!
#5 – She makes Samantha drive two hours into the valley to get a fake Fendi and then immediately decides she doesn’t want one. I would have made that bitch drive back by herself while I took an Uber to the nearest liquor store and drank in the back seat.
#6 – She fucks Keith in his hot tub (well, Carrie Fisher’s, but we don’t know that yet). That is VERY UNSANITARY. And of course she spends the night and they get caught and Keith is immediately fired. She tries to buddy up with Carrie Fisher (who originally thought she was a prostitute) and it obviously doesn’t work. The look on Fisher’s face when Bradshaw is explaining she isn’t a prostitute says it all.
#7 – The outfit she wears to the Playboy Mansion. What even is this?
SIDEBAR: The whole Hugh Hefner thing is stupid and that’s all I’m saying.
Carrie Bradshaw is the Worst 
This is fantastic.
LikeLike
Found this via twitter. I love it. More!!
LikeLike
Ugh, what annoys me irrationally is that Carrie is STILL not able to actually say what’s on her fucking mind that she gets a Brazilian wax unintentionally and didn’t once think to say “Um hey, a quick whip-around the edges is fine, thanks!”
Who UNINTENTIONALLY gets a Brazilian wax because they were afraid to speak up? She is the worst. And then to harp on about it like she’s Mary Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie. Damn, Carrie, don’t move to LA. People would just laugh at the prudishness of your column.
LikeLike
How about how she ditches her meeting with Matthew Mchonohay (sp) even though that was the whole purpose of her trip and the studio execs flew her out and paid for her hotel. Also, her attitude when people tell her to stop smoking is absurd. Entitled! Truly the worst. Thank you for this blog, it is so satisfying.
LikeLike
Exactly the production company would definitely have something to say about her ditching the meeting.
Also who goes on a planned holiday, presumably only for a week or so, and needs to get a bikini wax midway through?!
LikeLike